Forty
The noise of Guyana
Its 3:30 am in the morning and the music makes my bed vibrate.
It’s 6 am and gospel fills my ears as base fills my lungs.
It’s 8 am and the sound around me changes every 5 minutes of walking from reggaetone to gospel, celion dion to soca.
Its 2pm and as car horns honk, speakers bigger than your body beat..
The music that never stops.
Music that always plays.
Guyana is never quiet.
And will forever be loud in my heart.

Forty one
Tiffany’s tooth getting pulled.
I struggle sometimes with loving every child the same. It makes my bones chatter and my heart sink to admit. I don’t like to tell people, but I need to. There is a child named tiffany who is 16 and one of these kids. A teenager that needs attention so badly and deserves it, but I struggle to find it in my conscious mind to give freely. She works for it, I try. Tiffany is one of 4 and barely noticed at home. She is kind and thoughtful and takes care of her family more than her mother. She also never shuts up. I’ve been working with her on that, and in the time it took us to walk home from the dentist I realized all she realy needs is that. Trust and honesty.
We went to the dentist together after she asked. No one would take her and she was afraid to go alone. She needed her dead front tooth pulled.
We got to the office and went straight to the head with my white skin. The dentist hit on me as he roughly opened her mouth to look at it. He said her tooth could still be saved with a rootcanal, but a. it was 30,000 guyanese dollars and b. they are never really that successful.To pull it was free and then a plate with a fake tooth is only 3,000 guyanese. There we sat, as I discussed the options to her, as I didn’t feel comfortable making it. There we were, a teacher and a 16 year old, having to make a decision. She picked the pulling, she wanted it for so long and to behonest I had no idea when she , or if she in her life would have an extra 30,000 laying around in general, let alone to get a tooth fixed.
The dentist took her in a the room and as he was flirting with me, no gloves on, and a nasty glare in his eyes held her head back and stabbed at her gums with a needle, all while telling sternly don’t move don’t move don’t move. Traumatizing.
After that we went and sat out on the chairs. She rested her hand on my shoulder as read her a story I brought with me. We waited 30 minutes and finally got called back in, only to be told that her tooth was already pulled. Great communication. They must have done it in one go???
I asked her if she was ready, and as we leave she grabs for my hand. She cant talk as gauze is filling up her mouth and I can hardly see because the sun is so bright. We walk home, down the road, hand in hand, with one less tooth between us, and a one little hole in my heart filled.. She challenges me in love, and I accept that challenge. And with that acceptance I realize its not so hard if you allow yourself to let go of your own thoughts and focus on anothers, one who needs them. My heart was filled that day, Filled for her, filled with love for her, afterall its not so hard


Forty Two
This is what is snuck under my door on a weekly basis.
Dear Jillany,
How are you? We miss you. I know your land lady doesn’t want us to come, but my birthday is in November and we have to do something fun! We love you. I am going to bring this over without anyone seeing! I don’t like when she yells at me, I helped her tie her shoes. I miss reading with you. See you soon!
Your friend,
Marvela St. Clair, Lenroy St. Clair, Jaheim and Richard
Carlon St. Clair.