If you love life, life will love you right back...

Peace Corps, Guyana!

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Fourteen
Camp. Its Special Celebration Camp for my students..the first one of their kind complete with waterbottle rocketships, monster masks and a bamboo fire song to start the day. Planning it was challenging. Getting it started was eventful. Directing it, taking part in it, and trying to control behavior and children was stressful. Reflecting back on it, with all the hurt, frustration and challenge, I would do it all again to see the smiles on my kids faces, and hear the laughter erupt from their tummies. It was a learning experience for me. Camp itself was great….kids were there, volunteers were there, parents were there. However I think I lost part of myself in the present because I took on too much, once again. Because of that I wasn’t as happy as I normally am, and it showed, and I regret that. However I did learn that I am relied on, looked up to, a leader, a teacher, I am educated. I can make decisions and lead others with those decisions. I am stronger because I was broken down and I am wiser because I have gone through it. I am thankful that I had so much responsibility, because it means people think that I can handle it. And that’s exactly what this camp has taught me…that I can handle anything life throws at me..and its good to be challenged, and its good to struggle, and I just want to learn how to smile through it all.
I haven’t written in a while….In my journal, in my prayers, on paper, in my blog. I stopped writing because I was hurt and lost and felt a bit alone in a world where I know I am loved and lucky. In a world where I know that both bad and great things happen. In a world where I know that I have an expectation to be strong and strong for others. I felt alone in a world that I created for myself based on happiness and a desire to help. In a world where I sleep every night on a bed and am safe. A world where I feel alone mostly because people I know and love are feeling alone too.
Recently one of my students slept on the street. An eleven year old, on the cement in the middle of a town of 20,000 people, alone. The only reason for him doing this was food and the fact that he doesn’t get any/much at home. So he did the most logical thing he could think of…sleep on the street at night, to get food from people staying late at restaurants and drunks who stayed out too late with their wallets out too. I know that their aren’t many more options for the moment and this is his reality and in his reality he feels alone.
I think that happens to most of us, that feeling of loneliness.. In those moments of loneliness, moments of desperation usually follow. I’ve been there…my students have been there, and I am sure you who are reading this have too.
In these past moments of my loneliness and desperation I have experienced some of the most rewarding, stressful, challenging and breathtaking moments of my life here in Guyana. To be honest I didn’t notice them always at the time. It was hard in the moment to look past that loneliness alone. So I’ve been practicing the art of keeping the present moment at arms reach and storing up the wonderful moments for times I needed to be reminded of them.
I would capture the laughter, the joy, the feeling of love in a bottle in my mind and release it to the wind of my soul to help me carry on. Here are a few of those meaningful moments that I’d like to release from that bottle in my mind… A few more that I am ready to share and maybe didn’t realize or appreciate how great they were at the time but do now. And thinking of them helps me to not feel so alone.
Lucky Thirteen.
I am not sure if I’ve told you of a place you can only get by boat. It’s a place that feels like home within minutes, and becomes your home in a simple smile greeting from a family that welcomes you into their arms and hearts. Sunsets are deep pink and gray, sometimes blue and orange. The river runs long and its tide brings people back and forth in a 7 hour boat ride where hammocks are strung up side by side, over and under.
It’s a place called Orealla. And It’s one of my favorite places I’ve been to on this earth.
I went there in the middle of July for teacher training for the second time(The first time I went was when Jen visited me in June). It became more than a place of work in those July days. It became a place of family. A place of escape. A place of true kindness of people and it became my hearts place of solace.
My mornings were spent running through the jungle with a ten year old hard of hearing boy named Reon. He would hand me sticks of leaves to swat the flies away as he guided me through paths that I know are not travelled by most adults. I was lucky enough to start giving him words for things he has experienced, and known his whole life. His imagination was endless and his energy just made you believe. Believe in him. Believe in his language. The afternoons were spent coloring and learning the A B Cs in sign. The lucky part was that he was he was learning along with his community. As people came in they sat and watched and became interested in this language of the hands. We sat with his mother whom had never been called mom by her boy. I taught her how to say I love you officially, however it was obvious that he already knew she did.
It was only the beginning. I am already in love with teaching Reon and his family how to communicate with eachother and other people in their community through a common language that they will all learn and know.
This is just one of the reasons I have fallen in love with that place you can only get to by boat.