Two.
I start my morning walk to work with my 3 point check. Sunglasses, keys and a spiderman backpack. I hit the road with my feet in flip flops. These walks to work have left permanent flip flop tan lines across my feet, its one of my favorite new parts of my body, one that reminds me of sun and the sometimes endless feeling walk. I open my gate and close it with the lock straddling it back into place. I walk over a sand pile, through a puddle or two, and already my clean legs are tainted. Not worried though, as a smile and good mawning from a curly haired woman greets me first thing. I respond with a smile just as big and a “mawning”. I walk by the food stand that is going to be used later in they day to sell. Two men are sitting there with their whistling birds, sometimes smoking a cigarette. They stare awkwardly; I say goodmorning…usually without a smile quite as big. I walk about 10 yards before another man on a bike rides by and shouts “ay a blessed day to yuh miss!” and waves his right hand ferociously, every morning, without fail, he makes me happy. I continue on, normally saying hi to atleast 4 people before I meet with the food stand that is actually selling( drink that will make your back strong, dahl purri, pholourie, channa, pine tarts) I say gudmawning and depending on who is there I either get an “Alright” or a “ya lookin beautiful dis mawnin” then I wave to the left of me where Ken is with his shop. 10 more yards I wave to Fairy in her shop and then my feet meet the beginning of the cemetery. The cemetery is serene, the graves are above ground. One of my students fathers works in it, maintaining it. He always waves hello along with the other 2 men that sit there early in the morning. Their eyes are on me for the entire passing. There is usually a herd of goats or 3 cows during this stretch. The cows always have a white bird friend crane at their side.
I get to a road called “hybridge” and cross it as cars wait at all 4 stops in the road. Cars honk honk honk..to get my attention, just to honk, to tell me that they are there. It’s LOUD. I wave to the boys in the game room to my right and then to Ms Jack at her little feel good shop. I pass Nevil about 5 mins later, loading water into a truck and then greet two older women who are selling the morning paper. I pass a car washing zone, a bakery, I wave hello to Joyce the security guard at the Doctors living quarters and then pass M. Alis grocery. This is the time that I usually have a kid start walking next to me. We continue past the building that is being built up and pitt street and the barber shop. I always stop and say hi to Krishna at his fruit stand and promise to stop by in the afternoon to get a pine. I walk by the shoe repair man, as well as the man that has about 1000 pairs of shoes in his trunk. I turn down trinity street after signing good morning to Sammy. I yell into the internet café to Charlie…tell him to have a great day. I say hello to the old couple on their veranda, the kids at Tiaras Academy school, Neron yells through her window of New Amsterdam Primary to greet me, and I say hi to Ms. Collins and all her girls before crossing the backdam road towards my work side of town. I yell good morning to Cheryl and usually step in another puddle by now. Dogs are everywhere, horses are sometimes too. I round the corner and stop to chat with Violet, another security guard, and the woman who claims to be my Guyanese mother. We chat for approx 3 mins about the weather, family, the week. I then continue on my walk, only 10 mins left. I greet my “Happy Friday” kids with a Happy ________-- depending on the day. They only tell me Happy Friday..which I love to hear everyday of the week. I turn the corners and most rainy season days this is my least favorite turn. Sometimes water is up to my thighs…sometimes its not there at all. I walk through and continue on, saying hi to random people all the way till my last turn. This is my favorite turn to make, because its when all my students can start seeing me. I hear them call “ Ms. Juiliannnn” and 3, sometimes 5, sometimes 12 kids run to the gate to wait for me. Smiling, with conviction in their eyes. Usually a few of them sneak past the gate and come greet me with pulling of my hands and hugs. This is the moment. This is the moment when everything else in the whole world doesn’t exist to me. Just these kids, their smiles, and their small voices shouting to be recognized. Recognized by me. I make eye contact and they continue to smile and lead me up to the school entrance, hand in hand. It’s the closest one can truly feel to love, I believe. And it all started with a morning walk.
Monday, April 25, 2011
Peace Love and Juicy White Girl
I received this email today from a teacher in the Inclusion program.....= toooo funnny
My Dearest friend,
A few parents along with the Grade One teachers from N/A Primary are planning to go into Angoy's Avenue on the 27th May, 2011 at 9"o Clock (in the morning). we will be happy to have you accompany us in there. You know if the juicy white girl come along with us it will be a great feather in our cap. So please, we will be happy to have u. Hope to hear from soon. We will assembly at new Amsterdam Primary and then move from there. I don't have credit in my phone but i hope to soon.
bye for now
My Dearest friend,
A few parents along with the Grade One teachers from N/A Primary are planning to go into Angoy's Avenue on the 27th May, 2011 at 9"o Clock (in the morning). we will be happy to have you accompany us in there. You know if the juicy white girl come along with us it will be a great feather in our cap. So please, we will be happy to have u. Hope to hear from soon. We will assembly at new Amsterdam Primary and then move from there. I don't have credit in my phone but i hope to soon.
bye for now
Thursday, April 21, 2011
CHICKEN YUM YUMS
End of the term = 11 kids at my house eating mac n cheese, and chicken yum yums aka hotdogs!!! the surprise!?!?!? TOY STORY 3!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOOOHOOOOOOO fun to celebrate
Now its time for a 2o hour busride to lethem for a rodeoooooooo...then to brazil to get some flippy floppies.....then cumu falls to swimmmie......then HAPPY EASTER EVERYONE !!! wooohoooooo
still secretly wish i was hunting for eggs with the fam!!!
LOver you!
Peace, Love and Chicken YUM YUMS
Now its time for a 2o hour busride to lethem for a rodeoooooooo...then to brazil to get some flippy floppies.....then cumu falls to swimmmie......then HAPPY EASTER EVERYONE !!! wooohoooooo
still secretly wish i was hunting for eggs with the fam!!!
LOver you!
Peace, Love and Chicken YUM YUMS
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Run to Escape
More of my students are being sexually abused. That was the way my school day ended. We have a social worker coming in now, for a selected few students. There are two brothers that have been getting raped by their brother, their sister is asking them to touch her and they are getting beaten by their mother and brother. AHHHHHHHHHH
I run. To think. To pray. To hope that this situation is solved quickly. Knowing that it wont be makes me run faster. Its hard to escape. And there is no where for them to escape to. I want to take them in. I want to take in every child I have met along this road that has a life experience that is similar. I want to scream. I run. Because I feel helpless, and in most ways I am. I run because my heart is already beating fast from anger and I want to give it another reason. I run to stop myself from crying. I run to find answers. To think of ways the system could work this time. I run because I cant sleep. I run because im afraid to look them in their eyes with nothing to offer. I want to show them love. I run because I know they want to run with me..run away. To a safer place. I run because it feels safe. I want to teach them. I run because I am lucky enough to know that when I am done, I will go home to a place that doesn’t scare me, and that has a bed, and food, and love inside. I run and return and sit. Long after my body has stopped, my mind continues to run.
I run. To think. To pray. To hope that this situation is solved quickly. Knowing that it wont be makes me run faster. Its hard to escape. And there is no where for them to escape to. I want to take them in. I want to take in every child I have met along this road that has a life experience that is similar. I want to scream. I run. Because I feel helpless, and in most ways I am. I run because my heart is already beating fast from anger and I want to give it another reason. I run to stop myself from crying. I run to find answers. To think of ways the system could work this time. I run because I cant sleep. I run because im afraid to look them in their eyes with nothing to offer. I want to show them love. I run because I know they want to run with me..run away. To a safer place. I run because it feels safe. I want to teach them. I run because I am lucky enough to know that when I am done, I will go home to a place that doesn’t scare me, and that has a bed, and food, and love inside. I run and return and sit. Long after my body has stopped, my mind continues to run.
What a week can do...
I got home on Sunday Evening after working on Peace Corps 50th Anniversary exhibits and what not all weekend. I walked into the gate and approximately 4 mins later there was a knock at the door…To my surprise it was my landlady, Dookram. Dookram is a 70++ year old woman that sells at the market. She is large, has few teeth, and wears few articles of clothing.
I open the door, “Hi, Dookram, how ya day go?” I say.
She walks away, her back turned towards me and sits down on the bench, away from me.
“ Two kids came by yesterday…I told them you weren’t home and that they shouldn’t come back….. Then 8 kids came back minutes later…I told them that I don’t wan them in my yard and that they cant come back here. I don’t want to have kids in my yard. I don’t want to see them here.”
I’m speechless for a second. “ Okay, you don’t want them in your yard, that’s okay. They are still going to come over though, because I teach them lessons every week and we have play time.”
“ You shouldn’t be teaching them lessons, their parents should be, not you. I don’t want kids here.” Was her response.
I repeated that they are going to do lessons here…and she began to rant about how she wants to find someone to live here that doesn’t “deal with children”…And that’s the beginning of my week.
Monday I go to school with optimism in each pocket..and a little in my bra too for safe keeping, and face the school day.
3 teachers are gone. I get all their classes. About an hour into the day the HM comes in. She interrupts me reading a story to say “ Your hair doesn’t look good.”
So I am apparently having a bad hair day, teachers aren’t coming to school because there is no leadership, and once again I feel the optimism seeping through my pockets onto the floor.
I cant make anyone care. That’s true.
I can change attitudes to make people happier, and hopefully care a little more?!??
I sit down with the HM on Tuesday. Im nice, I don’t use any negative statements eventhough I feel a lot it, and the day ends with a plan to improve, things to work towards, people feeling like they can accomplish things. Improvement. This is the 3rd time we’ve been down this road, lets hope 3rd times a charm?!?
Wednesday flies by..and soon Thursday comes and off I am with two of my students to see a probation officer, the social worker and their mother. We walk in after a 25 minute walk, into the room with the probation officer, Ms. Shephard. The mother comes in a second later, whom I have never met, and whom we walked by seconds before without a word being exchanged to her or her sons. After almost, but not being slapped, I get her permission to take them to the psychiatric hosipital. I set up an appointment for 10. We don’t get there till 10:30, but the doctor isn’t there anyway. The doctor in fact doesn’t come til 12:30, and even though they asked about 8 times for me to come back with them, we waited. Dr. Mayda walks in. She is Cuban, like most doctors here. She meets with the boys for 15 mins. Asking them questions about how they are, why they are here, what have they been doing. And she keeps all the notes in a file for just one of the boys, even though they have both been here, there is only one file. She decides on medication. 3 different pills.
I ask her, “What medicine are giving them? What is it for? What is the diagnosis?”
Oh they are Mentally Retarded. These pills will help their mood.
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. Really?!?
I wanted to swear but didn’t. Thanked her, and now had pills in my hand and a 40 minutes walk back to the school.
They are not mentally retarded. They are smart, and funny and honest…and just need someone to guide them.
Ayyyiiiiayyyyiiiiii
Friday came. Awesome day with the Sign Class. Discussed girls and boys and relationships. Its funny in sign. I signed the word sexy and Anthony, (who is 14) told me I cant say that word because I am not married and its bad.
Friday night came. Kids came over and we colored. I bought a new Scooby Doo Coloring book. So cooolllllllllllllllllllllllllll
The Brewers 2 for 3 victory over the cubs this weekend was my favorite part.
Peace Love and a Week
I open the door, “Hi, Dookram, how ya day go?” I say.
She walks away, her back turned towards me and sits down on the bench, away from me.
“ Two kids came by yesterday…I told them you weren’t home and that they shouldn’t come back….. Then 8 kids came back minutes later…I told them that I don’t wan them in my yard and that they cant come back here. I don’t want to have kids in my yard. I don’t want to see them here.”
I’m speechless for a second. “ Okay, you don’t want them in your yard, that’s okay. They are still going to come over though, because I teach them lessons every week and we have play time.”
“ You shouldn’t be teaching them lessons, their parents should be, not you. I don’t want kids here.” Was her response.
I repeated that they are going to do lessons here…and she began to rant about how she wants to find someone to live here that doesn’t “deal with children”…And that’s the beginning of my week.
Monday I go to school with optimism in each pocket..and a little in my bra too for safe keeping, and face the school day.
3 teachers are gone. I get all their classes. About an hour into the day the HM comes in. She interrupts me reading a story to say “ Your hair doesn’t look good.”
So I am apparently having a bad hair day, teachers aren’t coming to school because there is no leadership, and once again I feel the optimism seeping through my pockets onto the floor.
I cant make anyone care. That’s true.
I can change attitudes to make people happier, and hopefully care a little more?!??
I sit down with the HM on Tuesday. Im nice, I don’t use any negative statements eventhough I feel a lot it, and the day ends with a plan to improve, things to work towards, people feeling like they can accomplish things. Improvement. This is the 3rd time we’ve been down this road, lets hope 3rd times a charm?!?
Wednesday flies by..and soon Thursday comes and off I am with two of my students to see a probation officer, the social worker and their mother. We walk in after a 25 minute walk, into the room with the probation officer, Ms. Shephard. The mother comes in a second later, whom I have never met, and whom we walked by seconds before without a word being exchanged to her or her sons. After almost, but not being slapped, I get her permission to take them to the psychiatric hosipital. I set up an appointment for 10. We don’t get there till 10:30, but the doctor isn’t there anyway. The doctor in fact doesn’t come til 12:30, and even though they asked about 8 times for me to come back with them, we waited. Dr. Mayda walks in. She is Cuban, like most doctors here. She meets with the boys for 15 mins. Asking them questions about how they are, why they are here, what have they been doing. And she keeps all the notes in a file for just one of the boys, even though they have both been here, there is only one file. She decides on medication. 3 different pills.
I ask her, “What medicine are giving them? What is it for? What is the diagnosis?”
Oh they are Mentally Retarded. These pills will help their mood.
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. Really?!?
I wanted to swear but didn’t. Thanked her, and now had pills in my hand and a 40 minutes walk back to the school.
They are not mentally retarded. They are smart, and funny and honest…and just need someone to guide them.
Ayyyiiiiayyyyiiiiii
Friday came. Awesome day with the Sign Class. Discussed girls and boys and relationships. Its funny in sign. I signed the word sexy and Anthony, (who is 14) told me I cant say that word because I am not married and its bad.
Friday night came. Kids came over and we colored. I bought a new Scooby Doo Coloring book. So cooolllllllllllllllllllllllllll
The Brewers 2 for 3 victory over the cubs this weekend was my favorite part.
Peace Love and a Week
Peace Love and Meaningful Moments
Meaningful Moments
I have many of them here. Maybe because I search for meaning in things and places and people more now. Maybe because I am just lucky.
I have moments here that I’ve realized I'd like to share. Moments that can’t be captured really just in pictures or words, but feeling and smells, eyes and exchanges.
I want to start sharing them with you. Maybe 100 of them. Maybe 100 meaningful moments and with that I will write a book. Why not?
Gotta Start Somewhere:
One.
I was walking home from the market on a Sunday morning. The time was about 8:30 a.m. and the sun was already doing its trick of warming up the space around me. I was swallowing the air..it was thick enough to chew, as one my boys rides up on his bike to cycle with me home. His name is Steffan, he is 11 years old and happy happy happy all the time. He asks where I am from again , and if it is hot there like it is here. I take in the heat and surroundings and with that moment I realize it is spring in Wisconsin. Early April . I ask him, “have you ever heard of seasons?” he replies “ yah” and I respond with “ can you tell me the name of one?” He thinks for a minute, the sun making his eyes squint and he now moves down from the seat of the bike to the bar to sit(which looks completely uncomfortable if you ask me) and then he says “Guinep Season?”.
And with that I realize so much. That my entire life I lived in seasons that guided me throughout the year and they all pertained to weather. And now, I am living my 2nd year in a place where all year long the weather is hot hot hot and the seasons are guided by food. Foods are the seasons of change….Its a fat kids dream..and Mango has to be my favorite season of all..well, I guess its tied with fall.
I have many of them here. Maybe because I search for meaning in things and places and people more now. Maybe because I am just lucky.
I have moments here that I’ve realized I'd like to share. Moments that can’t be captured really just in pictures or words, but feeling and smells, eyes and exchanges.
I want to start sharing them with you. Maybe 100 of them. Maybe 100 meaningful moments and with that I will write a book. Why not?
Gotta Start Somewhere:
One.
I was walking home from the market on a Sunday morning. The time was about 8:30 a.m. and the sun was already doing its trick of warming up the space around me. I was swallowing the air..it was thick enough to chew, as one my boys rides up on his bike to cycle with me home. His name is Steffan, he is 11 years old and happy happy happy all the time. He asks where I am from again , and if it is hot there like it is here. I take in the heat and surroundings and with that moment I realize it is spring in Wisconsin. Early April . I ask him, “have you ever heard of seasons?” he replies “ yah” and I respond with “ can you tell me the name of one?” He thinks for a minute, the sun making his eyes squint and he now moves down from the seat of the bike to the bar to sit(which looks completely uncomfortable if you ask me) and then he says “Guinep Season?”.
And with that I realize so much. That my entire life I lived in seasons that guided me throughout the year and they all pertained to weather. And now, I am living my 2nd year in a place where all year long the weather is hot hot hot and the seasons are guided by food. Foods are the seasons of change….Its a fat kids dream..and Mango has to be my favorite season of all..well, I guess its tied with fall.
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Saturday, April 2, 2011
I was Aprils Fool!!!
So I woke up to go barefoot running yesterday morning with one of my friends, Jason, who was in the Bush with me this week. I got back around 6:50am(Jason beat me and was waiting upon my return) to which he greeted me with an urgent, “Steph just called and said the only vehicle for the week is going to be here in 10 mins to take us out, otherwise we are stuck here all weekend!” He asked if I was going to shower..but I had to pack up my stuff and pee so I just scrambled, wiped the sweat off, and piled things in!!
He had to go pay the lady that cooked for us, so he left as I was packing and I waited for him. While waiting I said goodbye to the family that so graciously hosted us, telling them of the change of plans. He still had to get his stuff together, but told me Pierre was in a hurry and I should go wait for him over there. I carried my heavy bags( you know I am not a light packer) over to Stephanie’s house(training manager) and was greeted with a “Hello?” Hey, I said, "Jason just told me we gotta get going, Im sad I don’t get to do the sessions today" She responded with, “What? I didn’t call Jason? Did i? I don’t think so, what are you talking about?! At that very moment Jason walked through the gate with a smirk and a “April Fools!” shout!
awwwwwwwwww Shucks!!!! I cant remember ever being fooled before..and the best part was, I didn’t even realize it was April yet!!!
Owowo, ill be a fool for you April! As long as I can start everyday with a barefoot run in the sand!!
HAPPY April!!
Peace, Love and Foolish-ness!
He had to go pay the lady that cooked for us, so he left as I was packing and I waited for him. While waiting I said goodbye to the family that so graciously hosted us, telling them of the change of plans. He still had to get his stuff together, but told me Pierre was in a hurry and I should go wait for him over there. I carried my heavy bags( you know I am not a light packer) over to Stephanie’s house(training manager) and was greeted with a “Hello?” Hey, I said, "Jason just told me we gotta get going, Im sad I don’t get to do the sessions today" She responded with, “What? I didn’t call Jason? Did i? I don’t think so, what are you talking about?! At that very moment Jason walked through the gate with a smirk and a “April Fools!” shout!
awwwwwwwwww Shucks!!!! I cant remember ever being fooled before..and the best part was, I didn’t even realize it was April yet!!!
Owowo, ill be a fool for you April! As long as I can start everyday with a barefoot run in the sand!!
HAPPY April!!
Peace, Love and Foolish-ness!
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