Today’s forecast: Hot as shit with a chance of rain.

Seems like that’s been the same for the past 8 months…and its pretty accurate.

Oh Guyana, I fell in love with you for so many reasons…as well as battled our relationship countless times in my heart and head.

I got back after a week of conferences for Peace Corps, to a bed herded with ants, black cane dust encompassing my floor leaving my bare feet stained black, and a school slowly becoming a hot mess, again.
.As I taught the class and reviewed what they had learned the week I was gone…which apparently was only the fact that one of them had a birthday and they drew a birthday cake…I heard a bustling about the school. 2 of the 5 teachers had left, students were running around. I passed the computer room, which has also turned into a “vocational” skills room. (The headmistress is currently “teaching” hair…but, not so much teaching as leaving 12 year olds playing beauty shop. I walked in to the room to see one of my girls getting relaxer in her hair. It was everywhere, not at all being put in where it should have been, and from the look on her face I could tell the burning had started and was getting more intense with every second. It is supposed to be put on the root..Not the entire length..and it should be done fast as it basically is a product that burns and uncurls the hair…this was not known to the 13 year old putting it in. I quickly asked for the brush and tried as best I could to sign how to do it as I finished it up and told her to rinse it out. …As I left the room I passed by the bathroom But when I got there my eyes met a new intake. A 5 year old that looks like he is 3, standing there naked with poop all over his body. He looked lost and no one was around to ask any questions. There is no running water in the school so I took him outside to the rain tank and started rinsing the poop off of him…but it wasn’t as smooth as I had hoped..Because the rain tank was empty with half his body done. I called the fire station, to have them come and refill the tank.
The fire station moves about as fast as a pineapple grows. I feel like it should be on America’s funniest home videos. They arrived about an hour later, and at that time I finished cleaning up the boy and got back to the classroom with about 40 minutes left to teach. It was one of those moments as I looked around the classroom that I questioned my being there.
What the hell am I doing?!
I exhaled loudly, but no one heard. Smiled softly at the kids and decided it was them that I was there for. I recalled the mural being put up from the day before and a sense of calmness overtook my fast pumping heart. The school day ended.

My walk home took 2 hours that day. I was a bit numb, and couldn’t take the world in quicker than that.

The day all in all was a pretty good one, but I was set back.
Things here are different, not better or worse, but still different, and I felt at that very moment that it was too different for me to have any kind of impact. It’s always a struggle when fighting for something, you lose your path and road and even destination, and feel barricaded into a mindset that is not helpful for the cause. And it may take days, or weeks or months for some to break through that barricade to find the path again, and to focus on the journey not the destination once more. It’s not as important the length of how long that takes, as so long as it happens.
6 days later I am a foot out of that . Lucky me, lucky to be here, throwing just a little more caution to the wind, step by step.

Oh Guyana, I fell in love with you for so many reasons, and here is just one more.

Peace, Love and Breaking through!


“Sometimes we love with nothing more than hope. Sometimes we cry with everything except tears. In the end that’s all there is: love and its duty, sorrow and its truth. In the end that’s all we have-to hold on tight until the dawn.” – Shantaram pg. 346