Peace Love and Decisions

I feel like my life is guided by opportunities that arise when I least expect them. And choosing those opportunities to be part of my life always leads me to some of the best moments I've had. Once again I find myself here...with options. One leading home, One leading to a place that could potentially become home. It gets harder and harder in some ways to make up my mind. I used to be...and I guess a part of me is still a free spirit that goes with the flow and doesn't spend too much time weighing out her decisions. About 60% just wants to take it an run and never look back to this moment of contemplation. The other 40% feels like she should know better by now...and maybe stop taking risks and chances that just lead to more and more open doors. The problem is I dont feel like I shut any doors. I've been so lucky to love everything I have done so far. I feel so lucky that this new opportunity would give me a chance to once again try something new. I want to make the right choice for me...but its hard to do so when so many other people are on my mind and weighing in my heart. I want to spend time with my family again. I want to see how my nephew is growing, talking, laughing. I want to have late afternoon talks with my grandma while eating icecream outside on her veranda. I want to sit down and watch a game with my dad and brother, drink wine with my sisters and make my mom laugh so hard her whole body shakes with happiness. I don't want to miss that anymore. I want to see my friends, and hear about their lives. I want to meet their babies, go to their weddings, I especially want to be the one that marries two loves this fall. I want to walk Biggie and sneak him meat treats. I want to see my dad sneaking meat treats. I want to become a zumba instructor and get my big booty back into shape. I want to eat healthy and do laundry in a machine. I want to sleep without a net and go more than a day without sweating profusely...That's what I want at home. I also want to discover. I want to explore..I want to be outside of my element and challenged. I want to do work that is meaningful and that pushes me to try and learn and gain and give. I want to be free of a society that tells me i need to be a certain way, and have certain things, and do things in a certain order. I want to do as much of this as I can while I am healthy and young and have nothing that really holds me. I want to be outside. I want to be broken and fail and make mistakes, I want to learn and succeed and feel pride for my work and for myself. I want excitement and things unknown even at this moment. I want..and I wish..and I have mostly everything I've ever dreamt of. I'm not sure i'm done dreaming...and I'm too thankful for this lucky life to sit still. I guess my answer is read in between the lines. But then again, tomorrow could be a totally different story...isn't that why life is so fabulouso?