Fourteen
Camp. Its Special Celebration Camp for my students..the first one of their kind complete with waterbottle rocketships, monster masks and a bamboo fire song to start the day. Planning it was challenging. Getting it started was eventful. Directing it, taking part in it, and trying to control behavior and children was stressful. Reflecting back on it, with all the hurt, frustration and challenge, I would do it all again to see the smiles on my kids faces, and hear the laughter erupt from their tummies. It was a learning experience for me. Camp itself was great….kids were there, volunteers were there, parents were there. However I think I lost part of myself in the present because I took on too much, once again. Because of that I wasn’t as happy as I normally am, and it showed, and I regret that. However I did learn that I am relied on, looked up to, a leader, a teacher, I am educated. I can make decisions and lead others with those decisions. I am stronger because I was broken down and I am wiser because I have gone through it. I am thankful that I had so much responsibility, because it means people think that I can handle it. And that’s exactly what this camp has taught me…that I can handle anything life throws at me..and its good to be challenged, and its good to struggle, and I just want to learn how to smile through it all.
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
I haven’t written in a while….In my journal, in my prayers, on paper, in my blog. I stopped writing because I was hurt and lost and felt a bit alone in a world where I know I am loved and lucky. In a world where I know that both bad and great things happen. In a world where I know that I have an expectation to be strong and strong for others. I felt alone in a world that I created for myself based on happiness and a desire to help. In a world where I sleep every night on a bed and am safe. A world where I feel alone mostly because people I know and love are feeling alone too.
Recently one of my students slept on the street. An eleven year old, on the cement in the middle of a town of 20,000 people, alone. The only reason for him doing this was food and the fact that he doesn’t get any/much at home. So he did the most logical thing he could think of…sleep on the street at night, to get food from people staying late at restaurants and drunks who stayed out too late with their wallets out too. I know that their aren’t many more options for the moment and this is his reality and in his reality he feels alone.
I think that happens to most of us, that feeling of loneliness.. In those moments of loneliness, moments of desperation usually follow. I’ve been there…my students have been there, and I am sure you who are reading this have too.
In these past moments of my loneliness and desperation I have experienced some of the most rewarding, stressful, challenging and breathtaking moments of my life here in Guyana. To be honest I didn’t notice them always at the time. It was hard in the moment to look past that loneliness alone. So I’ve been practicing the art of keeping the present moment at arms reach and storing up the wonderful moments for times I needed to be reminded of them.
I would capture the laughter, the joy, the feeling of love in a bottle in my mind and release it to the wind of my soul to help me carry on. Here are a few of those meaningful moments that I’d like to release from that bottle in my mind… A few more that I am ready to share and maybe didn’t realize or appreciate how great they were at the time but do now. And thinking of them helps me to not feel so alone.
Lucky Thirteen.
I am not sure if I’ve told you of a place you can only get by boat. It’s a place that feels like home within minutes, and becomes your home in a simple smile greeting from a family that welcomes you into their arms and hearts. Sunsets are deep pink and gray, sometimes blue and orange. The river runs long and its tide brings people back and forth in a 7 hour boat ride where hammocks are strung up side by side, over and under.
It’s a place called Orealla. And It’s one of my favorite places I’ve been to on this earth.
I went there in the middle of July for teacher training for the second time(The first time I went was when Jen visited me in June). It became more than a place of work in those July days. It became a place of family. A place of escape. A place of true kindness of people and it became my hearts place of solace.
My mornings were spent running through the jungle with a ten year old hard of hearing boy named Reon. He would hand me sticks of leaves to swat the flies away as he guided me through paths that I know are not travelled by most adults. I was lucky enough to start giving him words for things he has experienced, and known his whole life. His imagination was endless and his energy just made you believe. Believe in him. Believe in his language. The afternoons were spent coloring and learning the A B Cs in sign. The lucky part was that he was he was learning along with his community. As people came in they sat and watched and became interested in this language of the hands. We sat with his mother whom had never been called mom by her boy. I taught her how to say I love you officially, however it was obvious that he already knew she did.
It was only the beginning. I am already in love with teaching Reon and his family how to communicate with eachother and other people in their community through a common language that they will all learn and know.
This is just one of the reasons I have fallen in love with that place you can only get to by boat.
Recently one of my students slept on the street. An eleven year old, on the cement in the middle of a town of 20,000 people, alone. The only reason for him doing this was food and the fact that he doesn’t get any/much at home. So he did the most logical thing he could think of…sleep on the street at night, to get food from people staying late at restaurants and drunks who stayed out too late with their wallets out too. I know that their aren’t many more options for the moment and this is his reality and in his reality he feels alone.
I think that happens to most of us, that feeling of loneliness.. In those moments of loneliness, moments of desperation usually follow. I’ve been there…my students have been there, and I am sure you who are reading this have too.
In these past moments of my loneliness and desperation I have experienced some of the most rewarding, stressful, challenging and breathtaking moments of my life here in Guyana. To be honest I didn’t notice them always at the time. It was hard in the moment to look past that loneliness alone. So I’ve been practicing the art of keeping the present moment at arms reach and storing up the wonderful moments for times I needed to be reminded of them.
I would capture the laughter, the joy, the feeling of love in a bottle in my mind and release it to the wind of my soul to help me carry on. Here are a few of those meaningful moments that I’d like to release from that bottle in my mind… A few more that I am ready to share and maybe didn’t realize or appreciate how great they were at the time but do now. And thinking of them helps me to not feel so alone.
Lucky Thirteen.
I am not sure if I’ve told you of a place you can only get by boat. It’s a place that feels like home within minutes, and becomes your home in a simple smile greeting from a family that welcomes you into their arms and hearts. Sunsets are deep pink and gray, sometimes blue and orange. The river runs long and its tide brings people back and forth in a 7 hour boat ride where hammocks are strung up side by side, over and under.
It’s a place called Orealla. And It’s one of my favorite places I’ve been to on this earth.
I went there in the middle of July for teacher training for the second time(The first time I went was when Jen visited me in June). It became more than a place of work in those July days. It became a place of family. A place of escape. A place of true kindness of people and it became my hearts place of solace.
My mornings were spent running through the jungle with a ten year old hard of hearing boy named Reon. He would hand me sticks of leaves to swat the flies away as he guided me through paths that I know are not travelled by most adults. I was lucky enough to start giving him words for things he has experienced, and known his whole life. His imagination was endless and his energy just made you believe. Believe in him. Believe in his language. The afternoons were spent coloring and learning the A B Cs in sign. The lucky part was that he was he was learning along with his community. As people came in they sat and watched and became interested in this language of the hands. We sat with his mother whom had never been called mom by her boy. I taught her how to say I love you officially, however it was obvious that he already knew she did.
It was only the beginning. I am already in love with teaching Reon and his family how to communicate with eachother and other people in their community through a common language that they will all learn and know.
This is just one of the reasons I have fallen in love with that place you can only get to by boat.
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Meaningful Moments: LIMBO
Twelve.
It’s a Tuesday afternoon at 5:30 p.m Its that time of the day that just feels righ on your skin. The sun is setting and the air is still warm..but more of a hug your body make you feel safe kinda warm. I walk down 43 to collect the gang for our weekly walk. This is what it looks like : Jaheim runs outta control flailing his arms and laughing until the end of the street, Richard is grabbing my arm to pull it around him and tuck his head as close to me as he can, Marvela finds space for her hand in mind, Floyd begins with a “watch this juliannnne” and guns it. The rest of the gang falls into place around us all. We head out on the backdam side, less traffic, just as many cows. Today two pigs were scurrying pretty quickly which was scaring MJ who we passed on a bike.(a 2 year old) and his brother. Raquel had an umbrella in her hand as the sky looked like rain, but felt like days of sun. I quickly grabbed the other side of the umbrella and just like that our walk magically turned into a limbo contest. Ollie made faces ive never seen before, joy held the other side, and all the kids got excited as they barely made it under this relatively high and moving limbo stick.They lined up…sort of, one by one as people on bikes and cars stared.. The gang had nothing on their minds but facing that stick and makin their way under. They were succesfull, they were not….they laughed so loud I think I felt it in my own belly. Faces that were made could never be re- done or undone for that fact. I wish I could put that memory into a jar and pass it around a circle to everyone and have them smile just as big and long as I did that evening…It’s Memories like this that could never be forgotten. Kids laughing, the street dancing around us, and an umbrella for a limbo stick.
It’s a Tuesday afternoon at 5:30 p.m Its that time of the day that just feels righ on your skin. The sun is setting and the air is still warm..but more of a hug your body make you feel safe kinda warm. I walk down 43 to collect the gang for our weekly walk. This is what it looks like : Jaheim runs outta control flailing his arms and laughing until the end of the street, Richard is grabbing my arm to pull it around him and tuck his head as close to me as he can, Marvela finds space for her hand in mind, Floyd begins with a “watch this juliannnne” and guns it. The rest of the gang falls into place around us all. We head out on the backdam side, less traffic, just as many cows. Today two pigs were scurrying pretty quickly which was scaring MJ who we passed on a bike.(a 2 year old) and his brother. Raquel had an umbrella in her hand as the sky looked like rain, but felt like days of sun. I quickly grabbed the other side of the umbrella and just like that our walk magically turned into a limbo contest. Ollie made faces ive never seen before, joy held the other side, and all the kids got excited as they barely made it under this relatively high and moving limbo stick.They lined up…sort of, one by one as people on bikes and cars stared.. The gang had nothing on their minds but facing that stick and makin their way under. They were succesfull, they were not….they laughed so loud I think I felt it in my own belly. Faces that were made could never be re- done or undone for that fact. I wish I could put that memory into a jar and pass it around a circle to everyone and have them smile just as big and long as I did that evening…It’s Memories like this that could never be forgotten. Kids laughing, the street dancing around us, and an umbrella for a limbo stick.
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Peace love and "i like turtles"
It all started with a nuggle, but this time I doubled the nuggle and in that, doubled my luck. 99 turns on the bara bara river turned into one of the most memorable places I have ever seen, people I have ever met, and a birthday that I will never forget.
8ish hours on a speed boat(passing people who are traveling to their neighbors in canoes, a 3 man group who accidently took a corner too fast and ended up with their boat in a mangrove, and countless birds and other boats, we finally arrived in a place you can’t even imagine …….Although you might not have noticed as you approached full speed on the shore, crashing into waves as you roll out of the as fast as you can to push the boat onto shore so the high tide wouldn’t take it…losing a flip flop..and maybe a little pride.
But I noticed soon enough, and just in time. Hours I learned that only 1 in 1000 make it.(hatchlings of sea turtles) I spent the night before my birthday releasing ten little hatchlings into the Atlantic on a beach covered in Shells followed by a 2 hour hike/ walk. We trekked along the ocean…mosquitoes biting us so much and hard that I started to wish other pains on my body to distract myself…the air breezy and still at the same time….my body sticky with sweat and my hair thick from bathing in the ocean. It was an adventure to the site…I felt as if I was in a national geographic moment….yet the moment never came..and back on the return 2 hour hike we went to campsite because no turtles were visiting us that night.
The following day we got to spend more time with the passionate and wonderful people who are supporting the mission…Audley is a 78 year old man who has that compassion in his eyes that allows him to speak few words and you get more than a handful of thoughts..and Romeo has a smile that is given to all genuinely over anything and everything….These are the kind of men you’d feel safe and at home with in the matter of moments around them. We chatted, Audrey made me turtle earrings that he carved out of coconut by hand, and we all got to enjoy the day around the shells and thick waves of brownish blue.
The birthday was settling down after hammock time on the ocean shore…and there before all our eyes was a perfect sunset backdrop….i don’t think anyone could even paint clouds so clear and colors so pure…creamy yellow and teal and white with the creamiest of clouds just popping out all over the sunset sky…perfect time to bathe in the ocean…and enjoy our meal of chowmein and chicken.
We set out on the same trek to see the turtles…anxious to have one come in…not sure what the night would bring…I hiked most of the way with Romeo…we would discuss random thoughts and enjoyments…he told me that his 25th birthday was coincidentally one he would never forget. He went with lots of his buddies and enjoyed mobaruma…drank and ate all day…all of his friend and family together….i just thought of how much I felt the same way…..id never forget this…and just as we finished this conversation we arrived at the site. We all sat down and waited quietly….couldnt have your flashlight on at all really during the hike because it would scare the turtles…so we continued to sit in darkness, but the night sky had never looked so big and bright before….we lay down and looked in the sky for a seaturtle….Romeo told me that the milkway was thought to have some influence in where the sea turtles lay their eggs…as if in the sky it is was a nesting hole to show everyone that directly under it is where turtles would come and do their nesting…..crazy seeing it so bright and to be honest I think its true..just after he was done saying that a “turtle hopefully not a log” was spotted approaching sea..after 10 minutes of deliberation she finally made it to shore!!! Ahhh we just saw a turtle come into sea!! Everyone was so excited. We couldn’t have lights on so we listened by the side for all the nesting sounds she made, digging her nest, flapping to get up high enough on shore, picking a spot etc. All in all the process takes about an hour and half…and wow was it one the best of my 25 years. I could go on and on and on about this experience, but it might get boring…so ill just leave it at the fact that I did a sea turtle angel right next to a sea turtle…on my 25th birthday after watching her lay her eggs…then a took the return 2 hour hike back and fell asleep happy and safe in the middle of nowhere…..at a place called Shellbeach…dreaming of leatherbacks and swimming in the sea.
Monday, July 11, 2011
Peace Love and My 24th year
With age comes: wisdom (hopefully), new experiences, new relationships, it brings distance with certain things and people, as well creates new opportunities. On my birthday I often find myself reminiscing about the past year, as well as looking forward to all the new year will bring. This year I decided that Id share some of my reflections…after all…peace love and sharing, make the world go round!
These are the top twenty four things I truly have learned this last year, fallen in love with, and of course, fallen out of love with too.
Things I learned:
1. I am really good at seeing the best in people and even if this hurts me in the end…Im happy that my mind works like this
2. I lead best by my actions, im not an assertive talker
3. I have ADHD…from fastforwarding through most movie to my longest phone conversations being 15 mins or less…I need to move and I need to feel like I am going somewhere….unless I am reading…..maybe I just need to learn how to relax?
4. I could never be a social worker without a system in place I am very sensitive and have a hard time not putting emotions into things, even when I know I cant do anything, it doesn’t stop me from wanting to, and making my heart throb when I figure out for the zillionth time that I cant
5. I am happiest around people I love and who love me, without mention of any of it
6. I am a lot stronger than I thought I was; I doubted being able to live in another country even though I had always dreamed about it, it’s a lot easier for me than I would have thought to live without things that bring "comfort" its fun to find comfort in new things...like a mosquito net.
7. My family crosses my mind too many times throughout the day to count….and I see them in everything I do and everywhere I go
8. I can say NO in a relationship...when it comes to work thats a different story
9. Money never really mattered to me, now I see the significance of it…and still I would gladly give it all away than have it
10. Struggles are struggles and you shouldn’t compare your own with others. You matter and so do the things you are going through
11. I don’t have to feel bad about making time for myself….although I still have a hard time feeling guilty during that time
Things I have fallen in love with:
1. Coffee…more and more each day. and for reals coffee..not just half milk, a third sugar and a third coffee...im more like 60 coffee now, with 20 of milk and sugar! improvement!
2. Funky Sunglasses
3. hammocks
4. Deaf Education
5. Living by myself
6. Hot weather/never being cold
7. Writing letters to people I love/getting letters from people I love
8. Being Outdoorsy====for reall…no makeup up, no running water, no electricity, showering in the ocean, hiking in the jungle, not knowing what to expect next....i love it all
9. Not just the idea but the act of living simply
Things I have fallen out of love with:
1. Constantly being connected(internet, phone, email)
2. Shaving my legs….not like I was ever really in love with this, but I did love having smooth legs…this has now become a rather special event, sexy I know.
3.Limiting myself in my mind( My mind is the only thing that stops me in so many areas of my life)
4.Bad raunchy rap music(to an extent )
These are the top twenty four things I truly have learned this last year, fallen in love with, and of course, fallen out of love with too.
Things I learned:
1. I am really good at seeing the best in people and even if this hurts me in the end…Im happy that my mind works like this
2. I lead best by my actions, im not an assertive talker
3. I have ADHD…from fastforwarding through most movie to my longest phone conversations being 15 mins or less…I need to move and I need to feel like I am going somewhere….unless I am reading…..maybe I just need to learn how to relax?
4. I could never be a social worker without a system in place I am very sensitive and have a hard time not putting emotions into things, even when I know I cant do anything, it doesn’t stop me from wanting to, and making my heart throb when I figure out for the zillionth time that I cant
5. I am happiest around people I love and who love me, without mention of any of it
6. I am a lot stronger than I thought I was; I doubted being able to live in another country even though I had always dreamed about it, it’s a lot easier for me than I would have thought to live without things that bring "comfort" its fun to find comfort in new things...like a mosquito net.
7. My family crosses my mind too many times throughout the day to count….and I see them in everything I do and everywhere I go
8. I can say NO in a relationship...when it comes to work thats a different story
9. Money never really mattered to me, now I see the significance of it…and still I would gladly give it all away than have it
10. Struggles are struggles and you shouldn’t compare your own with others. You matter and so do the things you are going through
11. I don’t have to feel bad about making time for myself….although I still have a hard time feeling guilty during that time
Things I have fallen in love with:
1. Coffee…more and more each day. and for reals coffee..not just half milk, a third sugar and a third coffee...im more like 60 coffee now, with 20 of milk and sugar! improvement!
2. Funky Sunglasses
3. hammocks
4. Deaf Education
5. Living by myself
6. Hot weather/never being cold
7. Writing letters to people I love/getting letters from people I love
8. Being Outdoorsy====for reall…no makeup up, no running water, no electricity, showering in the ocean, hiking in the jungle, not knowing what to expect next....i love it all
9. Not just the idea but the act of living simply
Things I have fallen out of love with:
1. Constantly being connected(internet, phone, email)
2. Shaving my legs….not like I was ever really in love with this, but I did love having smooth legs…this has now become a rather special event, sexy I know.
3.Limiting myself in my mind( My mind is the only thing that stops me in so many areas of my life)
4.Bad raunchy rap music(to an extent )
Friday, July 1, 2011
Meaningful Moments: Where Pine Comes From
Eleven.
Ask my sister Jenny what she did on her 27th birthday and you would probably think she was lying. Jenny was laying in her hammock/on a wooden board as I was sitting on the edge of the boat(scaring jenny a little as she thought I was just gonna roll off) there were hammocks strung above us, below us, between us. We were in the middle of the Corentyne River, traveling back from Orealla(an Amerindian village) making random stops to docks where men came out of nowhere in the middle of darkness on canoes filled with pineapple to transfer it to our boat.The bottom of the boat slowly filled to a point of no walking space as we made stop after stop, with nothing but the sweet smell of this delicious fruit filling our noises and the soft moonlight leading our vision. And this is how Jenny brought in her 27th year, with me, pineapple, in a hammock, on a boat. A lucky life. Luckier to share with a sister you love. And even more so luckier to end in a blackout after playing Pin the Tail on the donkey and coloring a Bob Marley poster with 10 children.
Ask my sister Jenny what she did on her 27th birthday and you would probably think she was lying. Jenny was laying in her hammock/on a wooden board as I was sitting on the edge of the boat(scaring jenny a little as she thought I was just gonna roll off) there were hammocks strung above us, below us, between us. We were in the middle of the Corentyne River, traveling back from Orealla(an Amerindian village) making random stops to docks where men came out of nowhere in the middle of darkness on canoes filled with pineapple to transfer it to our boat.The bottom of the boat slowly filled to a point of no walking space as we made stop after stop, with nothing but the sweet smell of this delicious fruit filling our noises and the soft moonlight leading our vision. And this is how Jenny brought in her 27th year, with me, pineapple, in a hammock, on a boat. A lucky life. Luckier to share with a sister you love. And even more so luckier to end in a blackout after playing Pin the Tail on the donkey and coloring a Bob Marley poster with 10 children.
Monday, June 20, 2011
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