Forty
The noise of Guyana
Its 3:30 am in the morning and the music makes my bed vibrate.
It’s 6 am and gospel fills my ears as base fills my lungs.
It’s 8 am and the sound around me changes every 5 minutes of walking from reggaetone to gospel, celion dion to soca.
Its 2pm and as car horns honk, speakers bigger than your body beat..
The music that never stops.
Music that always plays.
Guyana is never quiet.
And will forever be loud in my heart.
Forty one
Tiffany’s tooth getting pulled.
I struggle sometimes with loving every child the same. It makes my bones chatter and my heart sink to admit. I don’t like to tell people, but I need to. There is a child named tiffany who is 16 and one of these kids. A teenager that needs attention so badly and deserves it, but I struggle to find it in my conscious mind to give freely. She works for it, I try. Tiffany is one of 4 and barely noticed at home. She is kind and thoughtful and takes care of her family more than her mother. She also never shuts up. I’ve been working with her on that, and in the time it took us to walk home from the dentist I realized all she realy needs is that. Trust and honesty.
We went to the dentist together after she asked. No one would take her and she was afraid to go alone. She needed her dead front tooth pulled.
We got to the office and went straight to the head with my white skin. The dentist hit on me as he roughly opened her mouth to look at it. He said her tooth could still be saved with a rootcanal, but a. it was 30,000 guyanese dollars and b. they are never really that successful.To pull it was free and then a plate with a fake tooth is only 3,000 guyanese. There we sat, as I discussed the options to her, as I didn’t feel comfortable making it. There we were, a teacher and a 16 year old, having to make a decision. She picked the pulling, she wanted it for so long and to behonest I had no idea when she , or if she in her life would have an extra 30,000 laying around in general, let alone to get a tooth fixed.
The dentist took her in a the room and as he was flirting with me, no gloves on, and a nasty glare in his eyes held her head back and stabbed at her gums with a needle, all while telling sternly don’t move don’t move don’t move. Traumatizing.
After that we went and sat out on the chairs. She rested her hand on my shoulder as read her a story I brought with me. We waited 30 minutes and finally got called back in, only to be told that her tooth was already pulled. Great communication. They must have done it in one go???
I asked her if she was ready, and as we leave she grabs for my hand. She cant talk as gauze is filling up her mouth and I can hardly see because the sun is so bright. We walk home, down the road, hand in hand, with one less tooth between us, and a one little hole in my heart filled.. She challenges me in love, and I accept that challenge. And with that acceptance I realize its not so hard if you allow yourself to let go of your own thoughts and focus on anothers, one who needs them. My heart was filled that day, Filled for her, filled with love for her, afterall its not so hard
Forty Two
This is what is snuck under my door on a weekly basis.
Dear Jillany,
How are you? We miss you. I know your land lady doesn’t want us to come, but my birthday is in November and we have to do something fun! We love you. I am going to bring this over without anyone seeing! I don’t like when she yells at me, I helped her tie her shoes. I miss reading with you. See you soon!
Your friend,
Marvela St. Clair, Lenroy St. Clair, Jaheim and Richard
Carlon St. Clair.
Monday, November 28, 2011
Thursday, November 24, 2011
Gobble Gobble
I was talking to my sister Jesse tonight and once again she inspired some thinking in me….Thinking about gifts, giving and receiving. Thinking about what really to be thankful for.
It’s not so much the gift itself, as it is what’s behind it. To me getting and giving a gift is all about the thought ,the time ,the caring and the relationship that must be behind a gift to give it.
Marvelas birthday was today. She is 11. I got home a little too late, and to be honest forgot what day it was(knowing her birthday was the 22nd, but thinking it was the 25th) I handed her a bag through the fence and she offered a quiet smile and laughter. I know she loves me. I know she knows I love her. In that bag was journal ,stickers, pencils and pens and a math book. Nothing too special or extravagant. I didn’t watch her open it, and I hope she smiled when she did. Maybe she won’t until she opens the journal. Marvela and I have spent countless hours in my house. Talking, laughing, dancing, playing games,cooking. However when she is in my house one of the first things she always does is read the quote I have on my wall, “A beautiful Day” song by India Arie . She loves it, I love it. I write it in her journal. I hope those words hold her true to herself like they do to me. That is the only gift I can think and love to give her.
Today is also the day I get back from Orealla. I fall more and deeper in love everytime I go. But I fall hardest for the boy I work with. Today we ran with a bubble wand learning slow and fast, and played a matching game with animals to learn different and the same. I love his facial expressions. And his face. Seriously. And badly. He is so animated and so fun and so easy to love. Him and his family.I always bring him school things, fun things, things to learn with. Those are my gifts to him, along with my time and hopefully teaching. He gives me his time as a gift too, and today, his mom Vierona, had a gift for me as well. It was my first present as a teacher. She had her husband John ride his bike back to te home to retrieve it. She had it placed in a black plastic bag which Reon handed me with eyes glowing. In the bag I found a handmade straw hand fan that is too beautiful for words, and took longer to make than it takes to plan, cook, eat, clean up and reminisce about a thanksgiving meal,im sure. In it I found satisfactioin and thankfulness and gratefulness for her and me in return. It’s a gift I will use in the hot thick air here and think of them and feel them on my skin and in my heart.
I have also had quite a few friends and family give to Camp Glow. (Big shout out and thank you! You know who you are!!) I can’t wait to take my girls and I know they are even more excited! So happy!! I sat down and talked with one of the girls grandmas the other day in the market. Going over details, talking through some things, and eventually the cost came up. I didn’t have to ask to know that it was a worry to her. Giving money might not always seem as meaningful, but if I describe the energy and gratefulness and surrender this grandma gave me with her eyes I could tell you it is so meaningful. Sometimes there is meaning to be found in the things that aren’t as meaningful because of the feeling it can really bring. The single exhale it causes a body to have to know and not worry. So thank you for that gift, that gift that will keep on giving,especially when I show you the picture of the girls at camp. You are the reasons it happened. Because you cared about me, and the girls without even knowing them and you shared a gift, simply because you could and you did.
And maybe its just lucky and that’s the best gift of all we have, to care about eachother and love eachother and to accept eachothers love and gifts as good. And return those gifts with the love we pass on to one another.
Give a gift of thanks. Accept a gift of offering. Love , Be thankful, Eat Turkey.
Happy Thanksgiving everyone! I AM SO THANKFUL FOR ALL OF YOU!
It’s not so much the gift itself, as it is what’s behind it. To me getting and giving a gift is all about the thought ,the time ,the caring and the relationship that must be behind a gift to give it.
Marvelas birthday was today. She is 11. I got home a little too late, and to be honest forgot what day it was(knowing her birthday was the 22nd, but thinking it was the 25th) I handed her a bag through the fence and she offered a quiet smile and laughter. I know she loves me. I know she knows I love her. In that bag was journal ,stickers, pencils and pens and a math book. Nothing too special or extravagant. I didn’t watch her open it, and I hope she smiled when she did. Maybe she won’t until she opens the journal. Marvela and I have spent countless hours in my house. Talking, laughing, dancing, playing games,cooking. However when she is in my house one of the first things she always does is read the quote I have on my wall, “A beautiful Day” song by India Arie . She loves it, I love it. I write it in her journal. I hope those words hold her true to herself like they do to me. That is the only gift I can think and love to give her.
Today is also the day I get back from Orealla. I fall more and deeper in love everytime I go. But I fall hardest for the boy I work with. Today we ran with a bubble wand learning slow and fast, and played a matching game with animals to learn different and the same. I love his facial expressions. And his face. Seriously. And badly. He is so animated and so fun and so easy to love. Him and his family.I always bring him school things, fun things, things to learn with. Those are my gifts to him, along with my time and hopefully teaching. He gives me his time as a gift too, and today, his mom Vierona, had a gift for me as well. It was my first present as a teacher. She had her husband John ride his bike back to te home to retrieve it. She had it placed in a black plastic bag which Reon handed me with eyes glowing. In the bag I found a handmade straw hand fan that is too beautiful for words, and took longer to make than it takes to plan, cook, eat, clean up and reminisce about a thanksgiving meal,im sure. In it I found satisfactioin and thankfulness and gratefulness for her and me in return. It’s a gift I will use in the hot thick air here and think of them and feel them on my skin and in my heart.
I have also had quite a few friends and family give to Camp Glow. (Big shout out and thank you! You know who you are!!) I can’t wait to take my girls and I know they are even more excited! So happy!! I sat down and talked with one of the girls grandmas the other day in the market. Going over details, talking through some things, and eventually the cost came up. I didn’t have to ask to know that it was a worry to her. Giving money might not always seem as meaningful, but if I describe the energy and gratefulness and surrender this grandma gave me with her eyes I could tell you it is so meaningful. Sometimes there is meaning to be found in the things that aren’t as meaningful because of the feeling it can really bring. The single exhale it causes a body to have to know and not worry. So thank you for that gift, that gift that will keep on giving,especially when I show you the picture of the girls at camp. You are the reasons it happened. Because you cared about me, and the girls without even knowing them and you shared a gift, simply because you could and you did.
And maybe its just lucky and that’s the best gift of all we have, to care about eachother and love eachother and to accept eachothers love and gifts as good. And return those gifts with the love we pass on to one another.
Give a gift of thanks. Accept a gift of offering. Love , Be thankful, Eat Turkey.
Happy Thanksgiving everyone! I AM SO THANKFUL FOR ALL OF YOU!
Thursday, November 17, 2011
OWOW
Thirty 8
I’ve decided that if you can teach kids about gravity and the solar system in a language that you are pretty much a master. And that I am ;) I think that teaching this topic was and will be one of my favorite memories of the school and this place. Having the kids act out planets, write in big in small letters, sign big, sign small, act out gravity. Laughter was part of space that day. And it filled some of the weak parts of my heart with strength, once more.
Thirty nine
I have a wifey here in Guyana. She is the type of woman that when you describe her to your friends mostly you can just smile and nod but don’t even know where to start, so you just hope that people will understand the amazingness behind the shine she puts in your eyes. She is the most thankful reason I have for Guyana. We cook together, and talk together and workout together and do the day to day living together..anything and everything….. She has stolen pieces of my friendship heart that I know I will never get back, and I know I will never want to give to anyone else. One of my favorites nights with her was when It was a group of 5 of us on a Thursday and a bottle of Rum with a blackout. We sat outside on my picnic table and took in the breeze and played cards by candle light. We talked and laughed and drank and were merry. Soon 5 became just us two and there we were, like usual, talking about work and play and relationships. We talked about extreme people and the addiction to them. We talked about how lucky we were. We talked about how thankful we were. And then the statement came. The statement that I will never forget because it made me experience true and honest trust. “If anything happens to Jason or I, would you take care of our kids?” And with that all I needed was one deep breath and a smile and calmness took over, something I hadn’t really truly felt in years. TO feel known by someone and loved by someone and trusted by someone gives you a type of feeling that is hard to experience in anyother way. And even though the topic of discussion was not my favorite..\.it still marks a special spark in my eyes for the love I have for her and for them and for the belief in truly knowing someone and loving them for exactly who they are. What a quality to have…but she has that. She is a special and rare find. My Guyana wifey.
I’ve decided that if you can teach kids about gravity and the solar system in a language that you are pretty much a master. And that I am ;) I think that teaching this topic was and will be one of my favorite memories of the school and this place. Having the kids act out planets, write in big in small letters, sign big, sign small, act out gravity. Laughter was part of space that day. And it filled some of the weak parts of my heart with strength, once more.
Thirty nine
I have a wifey here in Guyana. She is the type of woman that when you describe her to your friends mostly you can just smile and nod but don’t even know where to start, so you just hope that people will understand the amazingness behind the shine she puts in your eyes. She is the most thankful reason I have for Guyana. We cook together, and talk together and workout together and do the day to day living together..anything and everything….. She has stolen pieces of my friendship heart that I know I will never get back, and I know I will never want to give to anyone else. One of my favorites nights with her was when It was a group of 5 of us on a Thursday and a bottle of Rum with a blackout. We sat outside on my picnic table and took in the breeze and played cards by candle light. We talked and laughed and drank and were merry. Soon 5 became just us two and there we were, like usual, talking about work and play and relationships. We talked about extreme people and the addiction to them. We talked about how lucky we were. We talked about how thankful we were. And then the statement came. The statement that I will never forget because it made me experience true and honest trust. “If anything happens to Jason or I, would you take care of our kids?” And with that all I needed was one deep breath and a smile and calmness took over, something I hadn’t really truly felt in years. TO feel known by someone and loved by someone and trusted by someone gives you a type of feeling that is hard to experience in anyother way. And even though the topic of discussion was not my favorite..\.it still marks a special spark in my eyes for the love I have for her and for them and for the belief in truly knowing someone and loving them for exactly who they are. What a quality to have…but she has that. She is a special and rare find. My Guyana wifey.
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Tough Decisions. Where will it take me next?
The sunsets go as quickly as the sunrises come. Days have been here and gone like a deep breath intake and exhale.5 months left.I make up my mind. I will be leaving Guyana when my service is done, even though thoughts of my students and people I have fallen in love with challenge this decision daily, I needed to stop contemplating in my heart.
I make this decision at 2 a.m. on a Sunday morning. Then I start to reflect. When I leave I know I will remember. When I leave I don't want to forget.....
Mosquito netting that I tucked in every night that first felt unusual but months later made me feel safe and like a princess
The constant sound and feeling of a fan in warm thick air
Sweating, Sweating and more sweating
Mangoes and bananas and pine and all the starfruit in my yard
The boat rides to Orealla being tucked into a sea of people in the middle of the corentyne river
Blackouts that scared and frustrated me then calmed me
Music that never stops, music that makes your heart pound.
A neighborhood full of children that often made people ask “are they all yours, or look at you and all your kids”
A neighborhood full of children that I love, and that returned that love in a way only children can.
Local juice that I preferred from a bag rather than a cup
A small town that turned into a big family
Cold showers that made me appreciate warmth
Letters from family and friends…and packages that made entire weeks
The yelling of my name Missssssssss Julianeeeeeee everytime I approached and left an orphanage, a school, a home.
Zumba afternoons with girlfriends
My school that challenged me more than anything ever has, but that I am most thankful for in the end.
The signing and the language that I fell in love with
Rooms and stores and buildings so hot that I couldn’t stop wiping my face
Food bought from those stores that tasted exactly like the store.
Rain showers that made me dance and got me soaked because I always forgot to walk with my umbrella.
Knee deep water walks to work.
A teacher that never stopped giving.
Cows that passed me on very hot days.
Good mornings and good afternoons that followed me everywhere
Wild animals that loved my garbage ….nothing like seeing a cow outside your house yet still drinking powdered milk.
Driving that involved dodging pigs and donkeys and people
The car horn that is the most used part of a Guyanese vehicle
Mini bus rides that made my stomach hurt....and when they ran outta gas made my body hurt from pushing.
All the crazy pick up lines that only seemed to make me smile….girll you are lookin like one thick can of sweetened condensed milk, or your makin me hotter than my mammas pepper sauce….or WOWWWWWWWWWWWWWwww
Sing it Franky dancing
Beef Box and Beat Boxing
Shell Beach and the roll off or rather onto it
Chocolate milk Beach 63
Being chased by cows and dogs and pigs and feeling like the goats were even out to getme
Being 20 minutes late t o work, just because I was saying hi to people.
Feet tan lines
Cooking for anyone and everyone
Sweating before I even started working out
Fellow Peace Corps Volunteers that will forever have a place in my heart, and some who i feel connected to by the soul.
A bedroom full of school supplies
Kids asking for plasters and constantly playing nursey
6 oclock sunsets
The importance and comfort that you put on certain things like taco seasoning and a yummy smelling soap
The crazy budgeting, going a week off less money than it costs to buy a beer in the US
Sunday night limes on the road and music that was sooo loud I couldn’t talk in my own house
Rum, rum and more rum..mixed with crystal light and viva water.
Teaching sign and loving every second of it.
Teaching Teachers that have taught for more years than I’ve been alive
Speaking British
Hammock Days
Learning how to be a better woman, friend, teacher and giver
My market lady and her warm smile and random filling of my bag(and feeling of my breasts)
Hundreds of students that taught me about life
Foods and spices and dishes that nourished me everyday
Lonely days that I thought would never end
People that accepted me and loved me and cared for me
Umbrellas that broke
Insects that bite
Pens that were stolen
Skin that was always brown
Sun that never slept
Palm trees that always waved.
Guyana. My home for a bit longer.
I make this decision at 2 a.m. on a Sunday morning. Then I start to reflect. When I leave I know I will remember. When I leave I don't want to forget.....
Mosquito netting that I tucked in every night that first felt unusual but months later made me feel safe and like a princess
The constant sound and feeling of a fan in warm thick air
Sweating, Sweating and more sweating
Mangoes and bananas and pine and all the starfruit in my yard
The boat rides to Orealla being tucked into a sea of people in the middle of the corentyne river
Blackouts that scared and frustrated me then calmed me
Music that never stops, music that makes your heart pound.
A neighborhood full of children that often made people ask “are they all yours, or look at you and all your kids”
A neighborhood full of children that I love, and that returned that love in a way only children can.
Local juice that I preferred from a bag rather than a cup
A small town that turned into a big family
Cold showers that made me appreciate warmth
Letters from family and friends…and packages that made entire weeks
The yelling of my name Missssssssss Julianeeeeeee everytime I approached and left an orphanage, a school, a home.
Zumba afternoons with girlfriends
My school that challenged me more than anything ever has, but that I am most thankful for in the end.
The signing and the language that I fell in love with
Rooms and stores and buildings so hot that I couldn’t stop wiping my face
Food bought from those stores that tasted exactly like the store.
Rain showers that made me dance and got me soaked because I always forgot to walk with my umbrella.
Knee deep water walks to work.
A teacher that never stopped giving.
Cows that passed me on very hot days.
Good mornings and good afternoons that followed me everywhere
Wild animals that loved my garbage ….nothing like seeing a cow outside your house yet still drinking powdered milk.
Driving that involved dodging pigs and donkeys and people
The car horn that is the most used part of a Guyanese vehicle
Mini bus rides that made my stomach hurt....and when they ran outta gas made my body hurt from pushing.
All the crazy pick up lines that only seemed to make me smile….girll you are lookin like one thick can of sweetened condensed milk, or your makin me hotter than my mammas pepper sauce….or WOWWWWWWWWWWWWWwww
Sing it Franky dancing
Beef Box and Beat Boxing
Shell Beach and the roll off or rather onto it
Chocolate milk Beach 63
Being chased by cows and dogs and pigs and feeling like the goats were even out to getme
Being 20 minutes late t o work, just because I was saying hi to people.
Feet tan lines
Cooking for anyone and everyone
Sweating before I even started working out
Fellow Peace Corps Volunteers that will forever have a place in my heart, and some who i feel connected to by the soul.
A bedroom full of school supplies
Kids asking for plasters and constantly playing nursey
6 oclock sunsets
The importance and comfort that you put on certain things like taco seasoning and a yummy smelling soap
The crazy budgeting, going a week off less money than it costs to buy a beer in the US
Sunday night limes on the road and music that was sooo loud I couldn’t talk in my own house
Rum, rum and more rum..mixed with crystal light and viva water.
Teaching sign and loving every second of it.
Teaching Teachers that have taught for more years than I’ve been alive
Speaking British
Hammock Days
Learning how to be a better woman, friend, teacher and giver
My market lady and her warm smile and random filling of my bag(and feeling of my breasts)
Hundreds of students that taught me about life
Foods and spices and dishes that nourished me everyday
Lonely days that I thought would never end
People that accepted me and loved me and cared for me
Umbrellas that broke
Insects that bite
Pens that were stolen
Skin that was always brown
Sun that never slept
Palm trees that always waved.
Guyana. My home for a bit longer.
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Kittens and Cake and everything Bright!
Thirty5
Kittens. Oh kittens. I woke up one morning to three outside my back door. They were so scared at first and their meows were so weak. Two of them were gray mixed and one was all black. I decided I loved them, and it didn’t take much. I gave them some of the left over kitten formula I had from Pillar. I served it up and their hunger over powered their fear. I did this for a few days before trying to pick them up, and once I did I never wanted to let go. I named the bravest one Skippy John, the shyest one Poquito Tito, and the one in all black who was the most curious, Don Diego. (the names come from one of my favorite kids books: Skippy John Jones). Ayyyy sooooo cutie!!!!!!
Thrity Six
Dear brightly colored sports bras,
You change my life.
When I put you on I feel happy and whole and ready to sweat
I want to wear you and only you.
It’s the little things in life, that make the biggest difference.
Like bright pink.
37. Yesterday was Stefans birthday.
I told him I would make him a cake for him to share out.
He came over with 10 of his friends and waited patiently on the picnic table for it to be ready.
I made a strawberry banana cake.
As it was finishing I could see the happiness in his eyes. For this cake, for this moment, for the feeling of being special. And he is.
We sang happy birthday on my door step, kids sitting around him as I held the cake and a match for him to blow out because I didn’t have a candle. We sang loud and we sang quietly. And then we ate.
We finished faster than it took to cut it. Kids and cake is one of the fastest disappearing acts.
Then we made our way down the street to drop everyone off at home. Oh how easy it was for Marvelas hand to find mine.
I took in that very moment, the breeze on my checks, kids all around me, marvelas hand holding mine tight and Stefans birthday eyes so happy.
Kittens. Oh kittens. I woke up one morning to three outside my back door. They were so scared at first and their meows were so weak. Two of them were gray mixed and one was all black. I decided I loved them, and it didn’t take much. I gave them some of the left over kitten formula I had from Pillar. I served it up and their hunger over powered their fear. I did this for a few days before trying to pick them up, and once I did I never wanted to let go. I named the bravest one Skippy John, the shyest one Poquito Tito, and the one in all black who was the most curious, Don Diego. (the names come from one of my favorite kids books: Skippy John Jones). Ayyyy sooooo cutie!!!!!!
Thrity Six
Dear brightly colored sports bras,
You change my life.
When I put you on I feel happy and whole and ready to sweat
I want to wear you and only you.
It’s the little things in life, that make the biggest difference.
Like bright pink.
37. Yesterday was Stefans birthday.
I told him I would make him a cake for him to share out.
He came over with 10 of his friends and waited patiently on the picnic table for it to be ready.
I made a strawberry banana cake.
As it was finishing I could see the happiness in his eyes. For this cake, for this moment, for the feeling of being special. And he is.
We sang happy birthday on my door step, kids sitting around him as I held the cake and a match for him to blow out because I didn’t have a candle. We sang loud and we sang quietly. And then we ate.
We finished faster than it took to cut it. Kids and cake is one of the fastest disappearing acts.
Then we made our way down the street to drop everyone off at home. Oh how easy it was for Marvelas hand to find mine.
I took in that very moment, the breeze on my checks, kids all around me, marvelas hand holding mine tight and Stefans birthday eyes so happy.
Friday, October 21, 2011
more moments :)
Twenty-Six
Time to go home. Gavin picked me up at 3 am to get to the airport in time. It was dark out and the street lights were inconsistent for the 3 hour drive. Gavin and I once again talked for most of it, even though my eyelids were becoming heavy...the conversation was worth it. He hugged me goodbye and off I went into the airport. But things just don’t really ever work out for me just like that, and as it became my turn I found out I needed jens cc to get the ticket…after about an hour of freaking out/ them telling me I couldn’t get on the plane without a copy of her id and credit card(front and back)……..the day was saved by Stacey and Trevor who allowed me to switch the ticket to my cc. WHEWWWWWWWWWWWW!!! That would have been a very sad moment.
After that I bought some rum…..and sat with an acquaintance, Esan Williams from berbice..A guy I never really talked to, but saw all the time…He is model pretty but for some reason the conversation was all I was interested in. I guess I am getting older and realizing sexy men…are just that..sexy men. He was a good conversationalist…and we talked for all of the 4 hours we had to wait…. it was too foggy and Delta couldn’t land so the flight ended up being late. This equaled me playing texas hold em next to a NY Guyanese and then watchin a movie…and playing bookworm..pretty much everything but sleeping…boo so much for that idea
We land in NY and then I find out I am delayed until the next day…the next afternoon exactly. At first I was a little sad…I had been thinking that day was the day I got to see my family for so long…but then again, patience kicked in as well as the fact that when I walked into the Double Tree hotel …they handed me a chocolate chip cookie that was warm!!!!!!!!!!!!! And I knew at that very moment that everything was gonna be alright..Afterall I was back in America!
. I walked into the and dannnnnnnnnnnnnnng it felt like…I don’t even know how to describe the nicenesss of the things….two beds, warm water, little soaps, HUGE towles, airconditioning, tv, internet?????? AYYYY talk about overload.
I went down stairs and asked the front desk if they would be so kind to call two numbers for me. I called my sister and parents . I then proceeded to purchase a Bluemoon(which cost more than I make in one day) and because of the luxury and availability, I took it up stairs and drank it in the shower. It was the hottest shower I’ve had in 8 months and the coldest beer…..does life get anybetter??
So I ate dinner had another cost more than I make in a day beer…and went back upstairs and by that time it was 10 ish….or 9 ish..i didn’t know… I got upstairs and into my room again. It felt like I was a moviestar. I slowly made my way into the queen size plushhhhhh bed…it had 6 pillows on it and I honestly felt like I was melting….like I was surrounded by marshmellows and I was the melted chocolate and I was in a s’more bed and I did want some more so I got out and got into the second bed the same way and I know that I shouldn’t have but I just couldn’t resist. I indulged in it and it felt good to have something so nice, and I realized that maybe this is exactly what I needed. A little time to myself, a little luxury, and a lot of pillows.
Twenty Seven
The next day = two Plane Rides,(one sitting next to a jew and a dog saver…which led to interesting conversation) and then finally the sweet sweet air of Madison Wisconsin. Nothing feels better than Wisconsin sun on your skin and getting to hug Biggie. Its that magical feeling of honestly being happy again, and of course I felt it immediately. Seeing Jen with a big smile and a big fountain drink is how I like to picture my returns home….and nothing brings reality more to life for me than getting to walk into my childhood home and seeing the people who made me, me.
When I am away I feel as if I am missing everything, but when I return I am thankful that my family allows me to pick up right where we left off. It didn’t feel as new this time, and instead felt more like home should feel, just right. Those two weeks I got to spend with my family and friends had too many moments wrapped into them that are precious to me….let me just do a gentle re-cap so I don’t bore you of my dreamy moments.
• -two words: mommas cooking
• Baby d sleeping and walking and talking and laughing and pretty much everything he does is incredible and noteworthy
• Driving up north Wisconsin with Jen and biggie and having a baby black bear run across the road
• Getting ice cream with Grandma
• Car rides with my mom and Dad
• The drunken johnson meat retreat= gaining 12 lbs in one weekend
• Waking up in my old bedroom and to my moms morning hair=some things never change
• Bike Riding with my sister and dad up and down hills in the country
• Trip to the store with my Brother
• Jesse getting tipsyyyy
• Paco dancing in the Garage
• Playing cards and drinking wine
• CORN fest
• Katie making me feel pretty again!!!! And not judging me for how bad things got
• Comedy club and choo choo train dancing
• Babysitting D with mom
• Spilling a salad and eating dinner with grandma and Cheryl
• Going to a movie!!!!!!!!! And my moms laughter
• A high five from my dad
• All the conversations with some of my closest friends
• Have I said beer yet??? BEER
• Surprising my friends on the phone
• Wearing a sweatshirt, pants and blankets at night with the windows open…in august
• Shopping!! Oh there is nothing like wearing things without mold and holes and smelling good
• Laundry, who knew you could just throw it in a machine and it will get clean!!!
• Rolo Mcflurries=brilliant
• Using ALL Of my brothers things
• Mini gulf and avatards/jenny doing all the kid obstacles
• Family get-together at Jims….i don’t know if I could have lived without Daves baked beans
• Uncle Jim taking me for a ride in his Porshe
• Breakfast and the Green Lantern…and my dad rejecting me being a Hotdogger idea…but Cheryl loving it!!
• Annoying everyone with my camera and jenny with my inability to make decisions quickly
Ahhhhhhhhhhhh home, there are many more moments but I’m afraid if I keep writing I will never stop. So will stop and simply say, America is the land of plenty and the land I will return to someday.
Twenty8
Jack Ten Two. This is the card game that I play weekly with kids in my neighborhood. Its easy to learn and noone can cheat(even though they still try) and I believe these moments with this game will always make me smile and always calm my mind to the heat, the laughter and the love children have for simplicity.
29
There was an old man named Carrington. He stood about 5 feet, but never was standing up straight. He was frail in body, but not in spirit. He would walk around with a rusted out coffee can and pick up the street where I lived. He always said goodmorning, but sometimes was talking in his own little world too. Many people considered him crazy, but I just thought his world might be a little bit better than all of ours. He would wake me up at 4am with loud music and sometimes shouting, about anything or nothing. He was in his 70s, and lived in the house behind me.
I heard commotion at about 11:30 at night the night he passed. He was walking with his coffee pot, and a man in a jeep was going to fast. Both were drinking. He was hit by that jeep about 30 feet from my front gate. His daughter saw the whole thing happen, and ran to hold his lifeless body. It took more than 30 minutes for anyone to come take him away to the hospital, but we knew he was gone the instant he was hit. Everyone from the community around gathered in the streets for an hour or two. I stood next to his daughter Tessa, and walked her home when all had gone away. I then made my way back home on the road that hours before a life was left on. I said a quiet prayer and entered a silent home. I wasn’t going to be woken up at 4 a.m. that night…and for some reason I already missed it.
#Thirty Teddy Bear Picnic/Skippy John Jones
For Education Month and World Literacy Day, The Department of Education Region 6, hosted a “teddy bear picnic” at Esplanade grounds in New Amsterdam. Its focus was to promote literacy through oral stories and read aloud. Approximately 150 kids came as we sang songs about washing your face with orange juice and of course we went on a bear hunt!! Then the kids were split up and we read aloud to each group. I of course read my favorite bookitooooooooo……skippy john jones!!!!! Kids loved the espanol mixed in flavorrrrrrrrrrr and I loved to practice my muyyyyyyyyy muyyyyyyyyyyyy bien Spanish accent!!!!!!!!! Wowoowow SKIPPITOOOOOOOOOOO!!
31
First real day back at school: dancing with Ryan and signing away!!!
School started this morning. The energy is electrifying! Its overwhelming, stressful, happy, exciting, frustrating and of course so mucho fun!!!!!!!!!!!! So many hugs and of course with that, so much sweat that isn’t mine all over! YUM! But of course the sweatiest moment was the one with a new boy ryan. Ryan is very scared to be at school today and shows this by crying and running away. I took him in my arms and waited for a moment till his heart stopped beating so fast. I stood by his side for most of the day, he would go back and forth with being okay. He is only 5 afterall, and I can imagine how overwhelmed he must have felt. He is hard of hearing but once the music came on and the children and I started dancing there was no turning back for him. We held hands and shimmied our way to comfort and laughter. He smiled so big and I knew that this school year, although will be challenging, will be worth every one of these moments, when smiles appear and laughter escapes from childrens hearts.
thirty2.
A single rose
Marvela is 10. She is a beautiful Amerindian girl with long curly dark brown hair and a smile that makes you smile. She is smart and can change the way she talks in an instant depending on if it’s a friend or an an adult. I usually get a mix. She comes over and we talk….or just play..or I help her with math. She brought me a present today. Its her first needle stich. A single red rose. She pastes it up on my wall next to the house and garden she drew for me, Jillanys. And she says this is for you. And I felt special, and I hope I make her feel that special too.
Thirty-threeee
Girl you gota enuf ration. These are the words that are spoken to me as I walk out my gate at 8 am on a Tuesday.
Your lucky the police didn’t catch you packin all that…..the fines 7500. These are the words that are spoken to me as I get in a car from the market home on a Tuesday afternoon at 4 p.m.
34. Subrena and making enchiladas for Shys bday
Subrena is the hottest mom I know. She is also a friend, and one of my best fans here. She calls me the “good Samaritan” and knows that it doesn’t take much for me to care. I love her daughter Shyianyna, who goes to the school I teach at. She is 7 and has a heart of gold. For her birthday we got together and I taught Subrena and Sancia( shys older sister) how to make enchiladas. Shy pretty much just snuck sips of Subrenas drink all night and we gaffed and cooked and sweated and it was good. And I felt lucky to know that family. And I felt lucky that they invited me to share such a special day with them, and that they felt lucky I was there too.
Time to go home. Gavin picked me up at 3 am to get to the airport in time. It was dark out and the street lights were inconsistent for the 3 hour drive. Gavin and I once again talked for most of it, even though my eyelids were becoming heavy...the conversation was worth it. He hugged me goodbye and off I went into the airport. But things just don’t really ever work out for me just like that, and as it became my turn I found out I needed jens cc to get the ticket…after about an hour of freaking out/ them telling me I couldn’t get on the plane without a copy of her id and credit card(front and back)……..the day was saved by Stacey and Trevor who allowed me to switch the ticket to my cc. WHEWWWWWWWWWWWW!!! That would have been a very sad moment.
After that I bought some rum…..and sat with an acquaintance, Esan Williams from berbice..A guy I never really talked to, but saw all the time…He is model pretty but for some reason the conversation was all I was interested in. I guess I am getting older and realizing sexy men…are just that..sexy men. He was a good conversationalist…and we talked for all of the 4 hours we had to wait…. it was too foggy and Delta couldn’t land so the flight ended up being late. This equaled me playing texas hold em next to a NY Guyanese and then watchin a movie…and playing bookworm..pretty much everything but sleeping…boo so much for that idea
We land in NY and then I find out I am delayed until the next day…the next afternoon exactly. At first I was a little sad…I had been thinking that day was the day I got to see my family for so long…but then again, patience kicked in as well as the fact that when I walked into the Double Tree hotel …they handed me a chocolate chip cookie that was warm!!!!!!!!!!!!! And I knew at that very moment that everything was gonna be alright..Afterall I was back in America!
. I walked into the and dannnnnnnnnnnnnnng it felt like…I don’t even know how to describe the nicenesss of the things….two beds, warm water, little soaps, HUGE towles, airconditioning, tv, internet?????? AYYYY talk about overload.
I went down stairs and asked the front desk if they would be so kind to call two numbers for me. I called my sister and parents . I then proceeded to purchase a Bluemoon(which cost more than I make in one day) and because of the luxury and availability, I took it up stairs and drank it in the shower. It was the hottest shower I’ve had in 8 months and the coldest beer…..does life get anybetter??
So I ate dinner had another cost more than I make in a day beer…and went back upstairs and by that time it was 10 ish….or 9 ish..i didn’t know… I got upstairs and into my room again. It felt like I was a moviestar. I slowly made my way into the queen size plushhhhhh bed…it had 6 pillows on it and I honestly felt like I was melting….like I was surrounded by marshmellows and I was the melted chocolate and I was in a s’more bed and I did want some more so I got out and got into the second bed the same way and I know that I shouldn’t have but I just couldn’t resist. I indulged in it and it felt good to have something so nice, and I realized that maybe this is exactly what I needed. A little time to myself, a little luxury, and a lot of pillows.
Twenty Seven
The next day = two Plane Rides,(one sitting next to a jew and a dog saver…which led to interesting conversation) and then finally the sweet sweet air of Madison Wisconsin. Nothing feels better than Wisconsin sun on your skin and getting to hug Biggie. Its that magical feeling of honestly being happy again, and of course I felt it immediately. Seeing Jen with a big smile and a big fountain drink is how I like to picture my returns home….and nothing brings reality more to life for me than getting to walk into my childhood home and seeing the people who made me, me.
When I am away I feel as if I am missing everything, but when I return I am thankful that my family allows me to pick up right where we left off. It didn’t feel as new this time, and instead felt more like home should feel, just right. Those two weeks I got to spend with my family and friends had too many moments wrapped into them that are precious to me….let me just do a gentle re-cap so I don’t bore you of my dreamy moments.
• -two words: mommas cooking
• Baby d sleeping and walking and talking and laughing and pretty much everything he does is incredible and noteworthy
• Driving up north Wisconsin with Jen and biggie and having a baby black bear run across the road
• Getting ice cream with Grandma
• Car rides with my mom and Dad
• The drunken johnson meat retreat= gaining 12 lbs in one weekend
• Waking up in my old bedroom and to my moms morning hair=some things never change
• Bike Riding with my sister and dad up and down hills in the country
• Trip to the store with my Brother
• Jesse getting tipsyyyy
• Paco dancing in the Garage
• Playing cards and drinking wine
• CORN fest
• Katie making me feel pretty again!!!! And not judging me for how bad things got
• Comedy club and choo choo train dancing
• Babysitting D with mom
• Spilling a salad and eating dinner with grandma and Cheryl
• Going to a movie!!!!!!!!! And my moms laughter
• A high five from my dad
• All the conversations with some of my closest friends
• Have I said beer yet??? BEER
• Surprising my friends on the phone
• Wearing a sweatshirt, pants and blankets at night with the windows open…in august
• Shopping!! Oh there is nothing like wearing things without mold and holes and smelling good
• Laundry, who knew you could just throw it in a machine and it will get clean!!!
• Rolo Mcflurries=brilliant
• Using ALL Of my brothers things
• Mini gulf and avatards/jenny doing all the kid obstacles
• Family get-together at Jims….i don’t know if I could have lived without Daves baked beans
• Uncle Jim taking me for a ride in his Porshe
• Breakfast and the Green Lantern…and my dad rejecting me being a Hotdogger idea…but Cheryl loving it!!
• Annoying everyone with my camera and jenny with my inability to make decisions quickly
Ahhhhhhhhhhhh home, there are many more moments but I’m afraid if I keep writing I will never stop. So will stop and simply say, America is the land of plenty and the land I will return to someday.
Twenty8
Jack Ten Two. This is the card game that I play weekly with kids in my neighborhood. Its easy to learn and noone can cheat(even though they still try) and I believe these moments with this game will always make me smile and always calm my mind to the heat, the laughter and the love children have for simplicity.
29
There was an old man named Carrington. He stood about 5 feet, but never was standing up straight. He was frail in body, but not in spirit. He would walk around with a rusted out coffee can and pick up the street where I lived. He always said goodmorning, but sometimes was talking in his own little world too. Many people considered him crazy, but I just thought his world might be a little bit better than all of ours. He would wake me up at 4am with loud music and sometimes shouting, about anything or nothing. He was in his 70s, and lived in the house behind me.
I heard commotion at about 11:30 at night the night he passed. He was walking with his coffee pot, and a man in a jeep was going to fast. Both were drinking. He was hit by that jeep about 30 feet from my front gate. His daughter saw the whole thing happen, and ran to hold his lifeless body. It took more than 30 minutes for anyone to come take him away to the hospital, but we knew he was gone the instant he was hit. Everyone from the community around gathered in the streets for an hour or two. I stood next to his daughter Tessa, and walked her home when all had gone away. I then made my way back home on the road that hours before a life was left on. I said a quiet prayer and entered a silent home. I wasn’t going to be woken up at 4 a.m. that night…and for some reason I already missed it.
#Thirty Teddy Bear Picnic/Skippy John Jones
For Education Month and World Literacy Day, The Department of Education Region 6, hosted a “teddy bear picnic” at Esplanade grounds in New Amsterdam. Its focus was to promote literacy through oral stories and read aloud. Approximately 150 kids came as we sang songs about washing your face with orange juice and of course we went on a bear hunt!! Then the kids were split up and we read aloud to each group. I of course read my favorite bookitooooooooo……skippy john jones!!!!! Kids loved the espanol mixed in flavorrrrrrrrrrr and I loved to practice my muyyyyyyyyy muyyyyyyyyyyyy bien Spanish accent!!!!!!!!! Wowoowow SKIPPITOOOOOOOOOOO!!
31
First real day back at school: dancing with Ryan and signing away!!!
School started this morning. The energy is electrifying! Its overwhelming, stressful, happy, exciting, frustrating and of course so mucho fun!!!!!!!!!!!! So many hugs and of course with that, so much sweat that isn’t mine all over! YUM! But of course the sweatiest moment was the one with a new boy ryan. Ryan is very scared to be at school today and shows this by crying and running away. I took him in my arms and waited for a moment till his heart stopped beating so fast. I stood by his side for most of the day, he would go back and forth with being okay. He is only 5 afterall, and I can imagine how overwhelmed he must have felt. He is hard of hearing but once the music came on and the children and I started dancing there was no turning back for him. We held hands and shimmied our way to comfort and laughter. He smiled so big and I knew that this school year, although will be challenging, will be worth every one of these moments, when smiles appear and laughter escapes from childrens hearts.
thirty2.
A single rose
Marvela is 10. She is a beautiful Amerindian girl with long curly dark brown hair and a smile that makes you smile. She is smart and can change the way she talks in an instant depending on if it’s a friend or an an adult. I usually get a mix. She comes over and we talk….or just play..or I help her with math. She brought me a present today. Its her first needle stich. A single red rose. She pastes it up on my wall next to the house and garden she drew for me, Jillanys. And she says this is for you. And I felt special, and I hope I make her feel that special too.
Thirty-threeee
Girl you gota enuf ration. These are the words that are spoken to me as I walk out my gate at 8 am on a Tuesday.
Your lucky the police didn’t catch you packin all that…..the fines 7500. These are the words that are spoken to me as I get in a car from the market home on a Tuesday afternoon at 4 p.m.
34. Subrena and making enchiladas for Shys bday
Subrena is the hottest mom I know. She is also a friend, and one of my best fans here. She calls me the “good Samaritan” and knows that it doesn’t take much for me to care. I love her daughter Shyianyna, who goes to the school I teach at. She is 7 and has a heart of gold. For her birthday we got together and I taught Subrena and Sancia( shys older sister) how to make enchiladas. Shy pretty much just snuck sips of Subrenas drink all night and we gaffed and cooked and sweated and it was good. And I felt lucky to know that family. And I felt lucky that they invited me to share such a special day with them, and that they felt lucky I was there too.
Meaningful Moments:)
I’ve been keeping moments and memories replaying in my mind for months now…..knowing I wanted to share them with you, but for some reason I was feeling reluctant because Im not sure why my moments would be important to share…or worth reading to you..Or to anyone but myself and the people who are in them.
However, one of my favorite thoughts revolves around the word UBUNTU.
UBUNTU in my own definition by thought means we are people because of other people
My moments are meaningful to me, and I know that when you share your moments with me , I will change in some way ;just as others will if you share your moments with them. Maybe your moments will be inspiring to them, or they will be hurtful/bring pain,possibly they could push them to do more, or help them believe again or want to…..
Either way, I hope these brief descriptions of moments of my recent life help you, push you, hurt you, make you laugh, make you think, help you remember, help you see life in a different point of view, help you see someones life and be grateful for what you have, or work harder to get what you want, but most of all, I hope they challenge you to love the moment and people in it.
#18
It’s the end of June and I walked into my baby blue School to meet the eyes of Nazim. Nazims eyes are starving ….he is starving for attention, for good nutrition, for love, for education, for life. He is sitting in the HMs office on a velvet type couch being questioned, but it sounds more like interrogation, by her. I walk in and im sure my face automatically turns to a concerned frown like position, and I ask both of them, “what’s going on? Everything ok?”
“Nazim slept out on the street last night”. The HM said. My heart starts beating fast, not because she is yelling at him for being so irresponsible and making his family worry and He is just sitting there with lost eyes and shame….but because I am sure that the reason he slept out on the street wasn’t because it was an exciting time to run away or be grown up.
I sit on the couch next to Nazim and say “It scares me to think that you slept out on the street, was it scary for you? Why did you?
“Yes Miss”he says with his soft lisp.
The story summed up to being the fact that there wasn’t enough food in the house, only enough for 3 out of the 4 children, and his instinct of hunger led him to the streets during the wee hours of the night when drunks and rum shops are open late and people are more apt to give. It seemed like a good choice for him. Food and maybe making some money. He is hungry and had to make a choice. His choice was sleeping on the streets. He is 12, this is his worry.
Nineteen
Zumba is sassy and fun and so is one of my favorite friends here, Terrianna. We get together after teaching weekly to rock out and dance. This is one of the highlights of my days….salsa dancing, shaking what my momma gave me…and doing moves that make my body look like I have so many of the biting kind of ants inmy pants…Sexy…..
Twenty.
I was at Shell Beach for my birthday( one of my favorite experiences ever!) but the Monday that followed was filled with celebration with some of my closest kids in the neighborhood. 10 of them came over and sang to me and had all sorts of “HAPPY BIRTHDAY JILLANY” cards and sheets of paper. I looked at each one as if it were Shakespeare and then kindly said thank you. When the cards were given and all the kids were huddled around the outside of my door stoop sitting and standing and looking at me, they slowly handed me over a napkin and inside was the cutest piece of cake. They told me they celebrated my birthday yesterday and ate the rest, but they saved me the piece they each thought I would like the best. And to be honest I don’t think I’ve felt that special in a long time….and so I did what I knew best, I took one look at them…staring them in the eyes…..one look at the cake, and pushed the whole thing in my m outh. Volcanic eruptions of laughter continued until I was able to swallow the day late cake.
21.
It’s the Monday of the last week of school and I walk in to it smelling the sweetness of persaud and the fatty fry of fish. YUM I think. I make my way into the kitchen to see one of the teachers families in there cooking up for the whole school. Fish, persaud, plaintain chips, cake, sweeties…they brought it all…including….the rum??????
…….HMMMM I thought to myself. Interesting.
They asked me if I’d like a drink and I kindly declined saying I don’t drink during the school hours .
They looked at me and questioned whether or not I was being serious. I laughed it off and then walked out saying thanks so mucho for cooking for the kids! ----ill find my rum after school if I need it.
Twenty-two.
UNICEF wanted surveys to be done for the Region to find out which special needs were most common in the mainstream schools as well as what they need to help support these students. This lead to days of getting to travel around Region 6 and meet with teachers, some I knew, some I didn’t. I truly enjoy the feel of walking into a school . You can feel how it is run, how the kids are, the energy of the school encompasses that very first entrance, and it’s a high that can be felt for days if it is good. Gavin and I got to drive up to Mara(up the bank-they call it) Gavin is one of my good friends here…He is a driver and often takes me everywhere and anywhere I go. In these travels we talk about …religion, love, education, Guyana, work, food, pretty much everything and anything…But this day up to Mara the topic was friendship and having true friends. Being able to trust your friends here, is hard, he said. Then he continued to give example after example of how money or the chance for advancement or the issue of being used have gotten in the way of many of his friendships. I listened and was quiet for most of the conversation this time, for I’ve been lucky in my life to not have experienced too many untrue friends. We continued on until we reached the first school I needed to go into. He stopped the car close to the gate of the school entrance and turned the car off. He sat there for a moment before saying, “But Jillian, you are a true friend, and I feel I can share anything with you.” And for that brief moment I smiled as I reminisced of all the true friends I’ve had throughout my life and realized then that I am a good friend because I have had so many good and true friends. I looked at him and simple said and thought “You are true to me too.”
When I got home I replayed in my head the conversations of the day, the sights and sounds and feelings in the words he spoke. I knew that in his words he was honest. I also could feel in my heart that I was too. I am lucky in my life to have so many true friends. True to the heart that I can feel in my being they are good. I am lucky to have the ability to feel this most of the time when I first meet someone. To know if I should put energy and time into a relationship. I know you can’t always predict the future, but I’ve realized my gut feelings to people have been pretty accurate all my life. Maybe I should trust my gut more in love?
Just a feel gooood one
Orealla is the type of place id like everyone in the world to experience, but not at all at once. It’s a simple place where simple becomes extravagant and everything you could possibly need. For me it’s a place that feels a bit more whole here in Guyana… a place that feels as If I just woke up in the house my dad and grandpa built and my mom is making pancakes and I can turn over and feel the sun on my face for 5 minutes more because I know when I wake my eyes they will see and feel comfort.
Orealla is also a place where I met a boy. An actual boy not a man, for all of you out there wondering if I am in love! I fell in love with this boy though, from the minute his eyes electrified me. His name is Reon and he is ten. He is animated in everything he does and finds humor throughout the day in little ways and games he plays. With the 5 days I spent with him, I often wish we shared a language that he could explain to me in detail his every thought that made him smile. Reon has 2 brothers and one sister. His parents and the four of them live in simple wood house. His mom makes cassava bread and his dad helps out with the church. Reon is the only one in the family that doesn’t go to school, but instead spends his days exploring his home land, running up unmarked paths, entering peoples homes for water, and picking up and taking everything he thought of as interesting. (sometimes id have considered it stealing, but no one seemed to mind, for the treasure he picked up was someone elses trash) He led me on one of these journeys one day….handing me sticks with leaves to swat away bugs when we were climbing through bushes, offering me his water when we got to a peak, stomping down “steps” that made me panic from the steepness, making me run and sweat and laugh along with him. We ended this journey back at the Guest House..where we sat at the table and enjoyed a warm pepsi and colored pictures together. This is also where we sat to learn a similar language.
Reon is the only person who is deaf in the whole community. No one knows signlanguage and his families communication with him is limited to eating and bathroom and pointing….which works, but to what extent?
I sat with him for those 5 days I was there and taught him signs, took him on my ideas of walks and showed him signs to go with the things he was seeing, colors, trees, birds, home, mom, friend, dad, letters, please, thank you: he was quick to learn, and on the 3rd day his mother and siblings joined us. We sat together at the table and went over some signs and words and things we had learned that week. We talked and laughed and I listened to her and him. We had countless conversations through our eyes. And the best conversation was to be had when the following day the mother came back and Reon had signed, Mom. She asked me what he said and I stated it outloud. Not once in her life has Reon called her that, or had she even imagined he would. I could sense the intimacy there would be in that word and the feeling that she was having. I carry that look and feeling with me now, and it makes me never underestimate the power of love and learning.
Twenty3
It was just any Wednesday morning, the sun was rising and that means the air was warming. I got out of the mosquito netting bed to reach a hammock overlooking the Corentyne River. Nothing beats a morning in Orealla, watching the sunrise and feeling the quietness thunder through your being to calm your worry and body for the new day. This quietness was change quickly this morning though by a YELP and a series of splashing. I look down from the Balcony and notice my friend Dan swimming in the most peculiar way with a sense of hurriedness in his eyes. He makes his way to the pier where he meets Steve(the amazing man who runs the guest house, approximately 5 foot and 130lbs.) He reaches dan and helps pull him out of the water…..apparently the piranhas were hungry this morning and Dan was breakfast. Steve easiy picks Dan up( Dan is 6’3” and 180ish lbs) and carries him like a he would a bride and brings him to the base and places him in a chair. I reach down their to meet Dans toe fate…a nub is missing from his 2nd toe and you can see straight into the bone. I run up and grab some ib profen and a camera per his request. People from the community quickly hear of the news and come rushing in. Standing around him and his bleeding missing toe nub. Dan is calm and smiles, apparently it happened so fast it didn’t hurt the way it looked. As people came in they held up their hands or showed us their feet of nubs they have accumulated and lost to piranha hunger.
Dan was then placed in a wheelbarrow and wheeled to the health post. There he was seated, given ibuprofen and iodined and gauzed up. He was then given 2 crutches, one that was made for his height but missing the bar inbetween where he was supposed to grip, and the other one he was given was made for someone approximately 5’2”-max.
He spent the next 6 days being taken care of by all who were around…and then spent 6 weeks in England getting it treated with more than gauze
#twentyfour
Sometimes when you get going without thought you get caught up in the moment and don’t notice little details of the world around you. Little details like a baby goat sleeping in the shade, or a smile that crosses a babies face as you pass by, or cute squeak of new school shoes. In my case it was the little detail of cow shit and mud. And I just so happened to fall into this little detail….in front of a lot of people that had noticed that little detail.
Twenty-5
It’s 10:30 in the morning, day 5 of camp. I am exhausted and frustrated but can’t let it show. I have children around me and they are getting antsyyyyyyyyyyy to do something after our reading and art session…..we run into the heavy sun and the countdown beings…i10-9-8-7-6-5-4-3-2-1111111111111111 BLASTOFFFFFFFFFFFFF!!!!!!!!!!! And in that moment l just let the breeze carry me and the sound of childrens laughter and waterbottle rocketships taking off guide my heart to a safe place and hold me there. Just for a while the stress can melt away from my skin and all that matters are these children, and this time, and these plastic bottles that have pushed their way into these precious childrens mind and made them imagine again. And it made me imagine again too…and helped me let go.
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Saturday Night
Eighteen.
The sun has set, and the bus is waiting on full. We drive around Rosignol to pick up more passengers, atleast four to a row that was made for maybe three. Even though the sun went down the heat is still encompassing us, and we all exhale when the bus starts moving because the breeze comes in. The driver pays the bridge fee and the bus starts slowly moving across it. We are a third way on when the driver brakes, or so i thought, and we stop. Everyone starts hissin and talkin all sorts of funny words "wha happen bai?" schuuuuuuuuuu oh motha scunt" etc etc. The driver gets out and hands his conductor and empty can. He starts running. We ran outta gas. The driver puts it in neutral and we start getting pushed back to the beginnning of the bridge...which i think is more dangerous than just staying but who am i to know. One by one the men get out to help without being asked to. I get out too and do my part. "whyte gyal pushin da bus" is a big hit. We all get back in once the gas comes and drive on our way back home. Its an inconvenience thats not one. Its just more time with strangers, who would do anything for you.
The sun has set, and the bus is waiting on full. We drive around Rosignol to pick up more passengers, atleast four to a row that was made for maybe three. Even though the sun went down the heat is still encompassing us, and we all exhale when the bus starts moving because the breeze comes in. The driver pays the bridge fee and the bus starts slowly moving across it. We are a third way on when the driver brakes, or so i thought, and we stop. Everyone starts hissin and talkin all sorts of funny words "wha happen bai?" schuuuuuuuuuu oh motha scunt" etc etc. The driver gets out and hands his conductor and empty can. He starts running. We ran outta gas. The driver puts it in neutral and we start getting pushed back to the beginnning of the bridge...which i think is more dangerous than just staying but who am i to know. One by one the men get out to help without being asked to. I get out too and do my part. "whyte gyal pushin da bus" is a big hit. We all get back in once the gas comes and drive on our way back home. Its an inconvenience thats not one. Its just more time with strangers, who would do anything for you.
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
Peace Love an Corndog Pancakes
Fifteen.
I got on a plane to go home. That feeling has more emotion and happiness and love in it than any in the world. Home, however to me has multiple meanings now, and I guess that's why this moment was so meaningful to me. I felt like I was leaving one home to go to a different home and it's the nicest feeling in the world to know that your home feeling can travel with you no matter where you are. I carry my home in my soul….and there is not better feeling than the love to be home.
Sixteen.
She was an older woman. With the kindest heart and most patient attitude…but she kept getting her gs and ds all messed up, and I couldn’t help but laugh when I heard she thinks its best to feed kids HotGods.
Seventeen.
What a better way to spend a relaxing hour than thinking up new recipes. This one hit me as I was dreaming of my family and I running our own little hometown family restaurant. I figured we would need some new creations that would be our signature dishes….the Johnson Jammer( our signature drink), the joshy kid special( equipped with macaroni, brats and bacon!!), the hessica mango crazeeeee( mango everything!!!!) the darius delite , the KJ King Meal( mostly meat), the la mamba lasagna, the Jen Donut, and of course for me the Corndoggyyy Pancake!!! This recipe I created and concored and I must tell you it does not disappoint…Or maybe its because I’ve live in Guyana for over a year and half and Im losin it!
I got on a plane to go home. That feeling has more emotion and happiness and love in it than any in the world. Home, however to me has multiple meanings now, and I guess that's why this moment was so meaningful to me. I felt like I was leaving one home to go to a different home and it's the nicest feeling in the world to know that your home feeling can travel with you no matter where you are. I carry my home in my soul….and there is not better feeling than the love to be home.
Sixteen.
She was an older woman. With the kindest heart and most patient attitude…but she kept getting her gs and ds all messed up, and I couldn’t help but laugh when I heard she thinks its best to feed kids HotGods.
Seventeen.
What a better way to spend a relaxing hour than thinking up new recipes. This one hit me as I was dreaming of my family and I running our own little hometown family restaurant. I figured we would need some new creations that would be our signature dishes….the Johnson Jammer( our signature drink), the joshy kid special( equipped with macaroni, brats and bacon!!), the hessica mango crazeeeee( mango everything!!!!) the darius delite , the KJ King Meal( mostly meat), the la mamba lasagna, the Jen Donut, and of course for me the Corndoggyyy Pancake!!! This recipe I created and concored and I must tell you it does not disappoint…Or maybe its because I’ve live in Guyana for over a year and half and Im losin it!
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
Fourteen
Camp. Its Special Celebration Camp for my students..the first one of their kind complete with waterbottle rocketships, monster masks and a bamboo fire song to start the day. Planning it was challenging. Getting it started was eventful. Directing it, taking part in it, and trying to control behavior and children was stressful. Reflecting back on it, with all the hurt, frustration and challenge, I would do it all again to see the smiles on my kids faces, and hear the laughter erupt from their tummies. It was a learning experience for me. Camp itself was great….kids were there, volunteers were there, parents were there. However I think I lost part of myself in the present because I took on too much, once again. Because of that I wasn’t as happy as I normally am, and it showed, and I regret that. However I did learn that I am relied on, looked up to, a leader, a teacher, I am educated. I can make decisions and lead others with those decisions. I am stronger because I was broken down and I am wiser because I have gone through it. I am thankful that I had so much responsibility, because it means people think that I can handle it. And that’s exactly what this camp has taught me…that I can handle anything life throws at me..and its good to be challenged, and its good to struggle, and I just want to learn how to smile through it all.
Camp. Its Special Celebration Camp for my students..the first one of their kind complete with waterbottle rocketships, monster masks and a bamboo fire song to start the day. Planning it was challenging. Getting it started was eventful. Directing it, taking part in it, and trying to control behavior and children was stressful. Reflecting back on it, with all the hurt, frustration and challenge, I would do it all again to see the smiles on my kids faces, and hear the laughter erupt from their tummies. It was a learning experience for me. Camp itself was great….kids were there, volunteers were there, parents were there. However I think I lost part of myself in the present because I took on too much, once again. Because of that I wasn’t as happy as I normally am, and it showed, and I regret that. However I did learn that I am relied on, looked up to, a leader, a teacher, I am educated. I can make decisions and lead others with those decisions. I am stronger because I was broken down and I am wiser because I have gone through it. I am thankful that I had so much responsibility, because it means people think that I can handle it. And that’s exactly what this camp has taught me…that I can handle anything life throws at me..and its good to be challenged, and its good to struggle, and I just want to learn how to smile through it all.
I haven’t written in a while….In my journal, in my prayers, on paper, in my blog. I stopped writing because I was hurt and lost and felt a bit alone in a world where I know I am loved and lucky. In a world where I know that both bad and great things happen. In a world where I know that I have an expectation to be strong and strong for others. I felt alone in a world that I created for myself based on happiness and a desire to help. In a world where I sleep every night on a bed and am safe. A world where I feel alone mostly because people I know and love are feeling alone too.
Recently one of my students slept on the street. An eleven year old, on the cement in the middle of a town of 20,000 people, alone. The only reason for him doing this was food and the fact that he doesn’t get any/much at home. So he did the most logical thing he could think of…sleep on the street at night, to get food from people staying late at restaurants and drunks who stayed out too late with their wallets out too. I know that their aren’t many more options for the moment and this is his reality and in his reality he feels alone.
I think that happens to most of us, that feeling of loneliness.. In those moments of loneliness, moments of desperation usually follow. I’ve been there…my students have been there, and I am sure you who are reading this have too.
In these past moments of my loneliness and desperation I have experienced some of the most rewarding, stressful, challenging and breathtaking moments of my life here in Guyana. To be honest I didn’t notice them always at the time. It was hard in the moment to look past that loneliness alone. So I’ve been practicing the art of keeping the present moment at arms reach and storing up the wonderful moments for times I needed to be reminded of them.
I would capture the laughter, the joy, the feeling of love in a bottle in my mind and release it to the wind of my soul to help me carry on. Here are a few of those meaningful moments that I’d like to release from that bottle in my mind… A few more that I am ready to share and maybe didn’t realize or appreciate how great they were at the time but do now. And thinking of them helps me to not feel so alone.
Lucky Thirteen.
I am not sure if I’ve told you of a place you can only get by boat. It’s a place that feels like home within minutes, and becomes your home in a simple smile greeting from a family that welcomes you into their arms and hearts. Sunsets are deep pink and gray, sometimes blue and orange. The river runs long and its tide brings people back and forth in a 7 hour boat ride where hammocks are strung up side by side, over and under.
It’s a place called Orealla. And It’s one of my favorite places I’ve been to on this earth.
I went there in the middle of July for teacher training for the second time(The first time I went was when Jen visited me in June). It became more than a place of work in those July days. It became a place of family. A place of escape. A place of true kindness of people and it became my hearts place of solace.
My mornings were spent running through the jungle with a ten year old hard of hearing boy named Reon. He would hand me sticks of leaves to swat the flies away as he guided me through paths that I know are not travelled by most adults. I was lucky enough to start giving him words for things he has experienced, and known his whole life. His imagination was endless and his energy just made you believe. Believe in him. Believe in his language. The afternoons were spent coloring and learning the A B Cs in sign. The lucky part was that he was he was learning along with his community. As people came in they sat and watched and became interested in this language of the hands. We sat with his mother whom had never been called mom by her boy. I taught her how to say I love you officially, however it was obvious that he already knew she did.
It was only the beginning. I am already in love with teaching Reon and his family how to communicate with eachother and other people in their community through a common language that they will all learn and know.
This is just one of the reasons I have fallen in love with that place you can only get to by boat.
Recently one of my students slept on the street. An eleven year old, on the cement in the middle of a town of 20,000 people, alone. The only reason for him doing this was food and the fact that he doesn’t get any/much at home. So he did the most logical thing he could think of…sleep on the street at night, to get food from people staying late at restaurants and drunks who stayed out too late with their wallets out too. I know that their aren’t many more options for the moment and this is his reality and in his reality he feels alone.
I think that happens to most of us, that feeling of loneliness.. In those moments of loneliness, moments of desperation usually follow. I’ve been there…my students have been there, and I am sure you who are reading this have too.
In these past moments of my loneliness and desperation I have experienced some of the most rewarding, stressful, challenging and breathtaking moments of my life here in Guyana. To be honest I didn’t notice them always at the time. It was hard in the moment to look past that loneliness alone. So I’ve been practicing the art of keeping the present moment at arms reach and storing up the wonderful moments for times I needed to be reminded of them.
I would capture the laughter, the joy, the feeling of love in a bottle in my mind and release it to the wind of my soul to help me carry on. Here are a few of those meaningful moments that I’d like to release from that bottle in my mind… A few more that I am ready to share and maybe didn’t realize or appreciate how great they were at the time but do now. And thinking of them helps me to not feel so alone.
Lucky Thirteen.
I am not sure if I’ve told you of a place you can only get by boat. It’s a place that feels like home within minutes, and becomes your home in a simple smile greeting from a family that welcomes you into their arms and hearts. Sunsets are deep pink and gray, sometimes blue and orange. The river runs long and its tide brings people back and forth in a 7 hour boat ride where hammocks are strung up side by side, over and under.
It’s a place called Orealla. And It’s one of my favorite places I’ve been to on this earth.
I went there in the middle of July for teacher training for the second time(The first time I went was when Jen visited me in June). It became more than a place of work in those July days. It became a place of family. A place of escape. A place of true kindness of people and it became my hearts place of solace.
My mornings were spent running through the jungle with a ten year old hard of hearing boy named Reon. He would hand me sticks of leaves to swat the flies away as he guided me through paths that I know are not travelled by most adults. I was lucky enough to start giving him words for things he has experienced, and known his whole life. His imagination was endless and his energy just made you believe. Believe in him. Believe in his language. The afternoons were spent coloring and learning the A B Cs in sign. The lucky part was that he was he was learning along with his community. As people came in they sat and watched and became interested in this language of the hands. We sat with his mother whom had never been called mom by her boy. I taught her how to say I love you officially, however it was obvious that he already knew she did.
It was only the beginning. I am already in love with teaching Reon and his family how to communicate with eachother and other people in their community through a common language that they will all learn and know.
This is just one of the reasons I have fallen in love with that place you can only get to by boat.
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Meaningful Moments: LIMBO
Twelve.
It’s a Tuesday afternoon at 5:30 p.m Its that time of the day that just feels righ on your skin. The sun is setting and the air is still warm..but more of a hug your body make you feel safe kinda warm. I walk down 43 to collect the gang for our weekly walk. This is what it looks like : Jaheim runs outta control flailing his arms and laughing until the end of the street, Richard is grabbing my arm to pull it around him and tuck his head as close to me as he can, Marvela finds space for her hand in mind, Floyd begins with a “watch this juliannnne” and guns it. The rest of the gang falls into place around us all. We head out on the backdam side, less traffic, just as many cows. Today two pigs were scurrying pretty quickly which was scaring MJ who we passed on a bike.(a 2 year old) and his brother. Raquel had an umbrella in her hand as the sky looked like rain, but felt like days of sun. I quickly grabbed the other side of the umbrella and just like that our walk magically turned into a limbo contest. Ollie made faces ive never seen before, joy held the other side, and all the kids got excited as they barely made it under this relatively high and moving limbo stick.They lined up…sort of, one by one as people on bikes and cars stared.. The gang had nothing on their minds but facing that stick and makin their way under. They were succesfull, they were not….they laughed so loud I think I felt it in my own belly. Faces that were made could never be re- done or undone for that fact. I wish I could put that memory into a jar and pass it around a circle to everyone and have them smile just as big and long as I did that evening…It’s Memories like this that could never be forgotten. Kids laughing, the street dancing around us, and an umbrella for a limbo stick.
It’s a Tuesday afternoon at 5:30 p.m Its that time of the day that just feels righ on your skin. The sun is setting and the air is still warm..but more of a hug your body make you feel safe kinda warm. I walk down 43 to collect the gang for our weekly walk. This is what it looks like : Jaheim runs outta control flailing his arms and laughing until the end of the street, Richard is grabbing my arm to pull it around him and tuck his head as close to me as he can, Marvela finds space for her hand in mind, Floyd begins with a “watch this juliannnne” and guns it. The rest of the gang falls into place around us all. We head out on the backdam side, less traffic, just as many cows. Today two pigs were scurrying pretty quickly which was scaring MJ who we passed on a bike.(a 2 year old) and his brother. Raquel had an umbrella in her hand as the sky looked like rain, but felt like days of sun. I quickly grabbed the other side of the umbrella and just like that our walk magically turned into a limbo contest. Ollie made faces ive never seen before, joy held the other side, and all the kids got excited as they barely made it under this relatively high and moving limbo stick.They lined up…sort of, one by one as people on bikes and cars stared.. The gang had nothing on their minds but facing that stick and makin their way under. They were succesfull, they were not….they laughed so loud I think I felt it in my own belly. Faces that were made could never be re- done or undone for that fact. I wish I could put that memory into a jar and pass it around a circle to everyone and have them smile just as big and long as I did that evening…It’s Memories like this that could never be forgotten. Kids laughing, the street dancing around us, and an umbrella for a limbo stick.
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Peace love and "i like turtles"
It all started with a nuggle, but this time I doubled the nuggle and in that, doubled my luck. 99 turns on the bara bara river turned into one of the most memorable places I have ever seen, people I have ever met, and a birthday that I will never forget.
8ish hours on a speed boat(passing people who are traveling to their neighbors in canoes, a 3 man group who accidently took a corner too fast and ended up with their boat in a mangrove, and countless birds and other boats, we finally arrived in a place you can’t even imagine …….Although you might not have noticed as you approached full speed on the shore, crashing into waves as you roll out of the as fast as you can to push the boat onto shore so the high tide wouldn’t take it…losing a flip flop..and maybe a little pride.
But I noticed soon enough, and just in time. Hours I learned that only 1 in 1000 make it.(hatchlings of sea turtles) I spent the night before my birthday releasing ten little hatchlings into the Atlantic on a beach covered in Shells followed by a 2 hour hike/ walk. We trekked along the ocean…mosquitoes biting us so much and hard that I started to wish other pains on my body to distract myself…the air breezy and still at the same time….my body sticky with sweat and my hair thick from bathing in the ocean. It was an adventure to the site…I felt as if I was in a national geographic moment….yet the moment never came..and back on the return 2 hour hike we went to campsite because no turtles were visiting us that night.
The following day we got to spend more time with the passionate and wonderful people who are supporting the mission…Audley is a 78 year old man who has that compassion in his eyes that allows him to speak few words and you get more than a handful of thoughts..and Romeo has a smile that is given to all genuinely over anything and everything….These are the kind of men you’d feel safe and at home with in the matter of moments around them. We chatted, Audrey made me turtle earrings that he carved out of coconut by hand, and we all got to enjoy the day around the shells and thick waves of brownish blue.
The birthday was settling down after hammock time on the ocean shore…and there before all our eyes was a perfect sunset backdrop….i don’t think anyone could even paint clouds so clear and colors so pure…creamy yellow and teal and white with the creamiest of clouds just popping out all over the sunset sky…perfect time to bathe in the ocean…and enjoy our meal of chowmein and chicken.
We set out on the same trek to see the turtles…anxious to have one come in…not sure what the night would bring…I hiked most of the way with Romeo…we would discuss random thoughts and enjoyments…he told me that his 25th birthday was coincidentally one he would never forget. He went with lots of his buddies and enjoyed mobaruma…drank and ate all day…all of his friend and family together….i just thought of how much I felt the same way…..id never forget this…and just as we finished this conversation we arrived at the site. We all sat down and waited quietly….couldnt have your flashlight on at all really during the hike because it would scare the turtles…so we continued to sit in darkness, but the night sky had never looked so big and bright before….we lay down and looked in the sky for a seaturtle….Romeo told me that the milkway was thought to have some influence in where the sea turtles lay their eggs…as if in the sky it is was a nesting hole to show everyone that directly under it is where turtles would come and do their nesting…..crazy seeing it so bright and to be honest I think its true..just after he was done saying that a “turtle hopefully not a log” was spotted approaching sea..after 10 minutes of deliberation she finally made it to shore!!! Ahhh we just saw a turtle come into sea!! Everyone was so excited. We couldn’t have lights on so we listened by the side for all the nesting sounds she made, digging her nest, flapping to get up high enough on shore, picking a spot etc. All in all the process takes about an hour and half…and wow was it one the best of my 25 years. I could go on and on and on about this experience, but it might get boring…so ill just leave it at the fact that I did a sea turtle angel right next to a sea turtle…on my 25th birthday after watching her lay her eggs…then a took the return 2 hour hike back and fell asleep happy and safe in the middle of nowhere…..at a place called Shellbeach…dreaming of leatherbacks and swimming in the sea.
Monday, July 11, 2011
Peace Love and My 24th year
With age comes: wisdom (hopefully), new experiences, new relationships, it brings distance with certain things and people, as well creates new opportunities. On my birthday I often find myself reminiscing about the past year, as well as looking forward to all the new year will bring. This year I decided that Id share some of my reflections…after all…peace love and sharing, make the world go round!
These are the top twenty four things I truly have learned this last year, fallen in love with, and of course, fallen out of love with too.
Things I learned:
1. I am really good at seeing the best in people and even if this hurts me in the end…Im happy that my mind works like this
2. I lead best by my actions, im not an assertive talker
3. I have ADHD…from fastforwarding through most movie to my longest phone conversations being 15 mins or less…I need to move and I need to feel like I am going somewhere….unless I am reading…..maybe I just need to learn how to relax?
4. I could never be a social worker without a system in place I am very sensitive and have a hard time not putting emotions into things, even when I know I cant do anything, it doesn’t stop me from wanting to, and making my heart throb when I figure out for the zillionth time that I cant
5. I am happiest around people I love and who love me, without mention of any of it
6. I am a lot stronger than I thought I was; I doubted being able to live in another country even though I had always dreamed about it, it’s a lot easier for me than I would have thought to live without things that bring "comfort" its fun to find comfort in new things...like a mosquito net.
7. My family crosses my mind too many times throughout the day to count….and I see them in everything I do and everywhere I go
8. I can say NO in a relationship...when it comes to work thats a different story
9. Money never really mattered to me, now I see the significance of it…and still I would gladly give it all away than have it
10. Struggles are struggles and you shouldn’t compare your own with others. You matter and so do the things you are going through
11. I don’t have to feel bad about making time for myself….although I still have a hard time feeling guilty during that time
Things I have fallen in love with:
1. Coffee…more and more each day. and for reals coffee..not just half milk, a third sugar and a third coffee...im more like 60 coffee now, with 20 of milk and sugar! improvement!
2. Funky Sunglasses
3. hammocks
4. Deaf Education
5. Living by myself
6. Hot weather/never being cold
7. Writing letters to people I love/getting letters from people I love
8. Being Outdoorsy====for reall…no makeup up, no running water, no electricity, showering in the ocean, hiking in the jungle, not knowing what to expect next....i love it all
9. Not just the idea but the act of living simply
Things I have fallen out of love with:
1. Constantly being connected(internet, phone, email)
2. Shaving my legs….not like I was ever really in love with this, but I did love having smooth legs…this has now become a rather special event, sexy I know.
3.Limiting myself in my mind( My mind is the only thing that stops me in so many areas of my life)
4.Bad raunchy rap music(to an extent )
These are the top twenty four things I truly have learned this last year, fallen in love with, and of course, fallen out of love with too.
Things I learned:
1. I am really good at seeing the best in people and even if this hurts me in the end…Im happy that my mind works like this
2. I lead best by my actions, im not an assertive talker
3. I have ADHD…from fastforwarding through most movie to my longest phone conversations being 15 mins or less…I need to move and I need to feel like I am going somewhere….unless I am reading…..maybe I just need to learn how to relax?
4. I could never be a social worker without a system in place I am very sensitive and have a hard time not putting emotions into things, even when I know I cant do anything, it doesn’t stop me from wanting to, and making my heart throb when I figure out for the zillionth time that I cant
5. I am happiest around people I love and who love me, without mention of any of it
6. I am a lot stronger than I thought I was; I doubted being able to live in another country even though I had always dreamed about it, it’s a lot easier for me than I would have thought to live without things that bring "comfort" its fun to find comfort in new things...like a mosquito net.
7. My family crosses my mind too many times throughout the day to count….and I see them in everything I do and everywhere I go
8. I can say NO in a relationship...when it comes to work thats a different story
9. Money never really mattered to me, now I see the significance of it…and still I would gladly give it all away than have it
10. Struggles are struggles and you shouldn’t compare your own with others. You matter and so do the things you are going through
11. I don’t have to feel bad about making time for myself….although I still have a hard time feeling guilty during that time
Things I have fallen in love with:
1. Coffee…more and more each day. and for reals coffee..not just half milk, a third sugar and a third coffee...im more like 60 coffee now, with 20 of milk and sugar! improvement!
2. Funky Sunglasses
3. hammocks
4. Deaf Education
5. Living by myself
6. Hot weather/never being cold
7. Writing letters to people I love/getting letters from people I love
8. Being Outdoorsy====for reall…no makeup up, no running water, no electricity, showering in the ocean, hiking in the jungle, not knowing what to expect next....i love it all
9. Not just the idea but the act of living simply
Things I have fallen out of love with:
1. Constantly being connected(internet, phone, email)
2. Shaving my legs….not like I was ever really in love with this, but I did love having smooth legs…this has now become a rather special event, sexy I know.
3.Limiting myself in my mind( My mind is the only thing that stops me in so many areas of my life)
4.Bad raunchy rap music(to an extent )
Friday, July 1, 2011
Meaningful Moments: Where Pine Comes From
Eleven.
Ask my sister Jenny what she did on her 27th birthday and you would probably think she was lying. Jenny was laying in her hammock/on a wooden board as I was sitting on the edge of the boat(scaring jenny a little as she thought I was just gonna roll off) there were hammocks strung above us, below us, between us. We were in the middle of the Corentyne River, traveling back from Orealla(an Amerindian village) making random stops to docks where men came out of nowhere in the middle of darkness on canoes filled with pineapple to transfer it to our boat.The bottom of the boat slowly filled to a point of no walking space as we made stop after stop, with nothing but the sweet smell of this delicious fruit filling our noises and the soft moonlight leading our vision. And this is how Jenny brought in her 27th year, with me, pineapple, in a hammock, on a boat. A lucky life. Luckier to share with a sister you love. And even more so luckier to end in a blackout after playing Pin the Tail on the donkey and coloring a Bob Marley poster with 10 children.
Ask my sister Jenny what she did on her 27th birthday and you would probably think she was lying. Jenny was laying in her hammock/on a wooden board as I was sitting on the edge of the boat(scaring jenny a little as she thought I was just gonna roll off) there were hammocks strung above us, below us, between us. We were in the middle of the Corentyne River, traveling back from Orealla(an Amerindian village) making random stops to docks where men came out of nowhere in the middle of darkness on canoes filled with pineapple to transfer it to our boat.The bottom of the boat slowly filled to a point of no walking space as we made stop after stop, with nothing but the sweet smell of this delicious fruit filling our noises and the soft moonlight leading our vision. And this is how Jenny brought in her 27th year, with me, pineapple, in a hammock, on a boat. A lucky life. Luckier to share with a sister you love. And even more so luckier to end in a blackout after playing Pin the Tail on the donkey and coloring a Bob Marley poster with 10 children.
Monday, June 20, 2011
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Elevator Operator
It was tour on friday.....and all the kids that could afford to go were so excited. We met at the buspark for 5:45 in the morning, which means we left at 7:15. Oh Guyana time. It was raining, and hot on the bus crammed with 4 or 5 to a row. We took off to the Parliament building! We got in, and not even knowing it, I was voted to be Interpreter of the day= me signing words of law that I have no idea what the signs are, it was a fun and awkward experience. We then went to the Bank of Guyana, where for the first time ever students got to be in an elevator. It is the strangest feeling in the world being in one and being the only one to know how to use it. They were nervous as I pressed the button that took us up. They couldnt believe it when they got out on a different floor. It was my favorite part of the day. An elevator ride.
We then went to the National Park and ate lunch. We played in the puddles from all the rain and red ants attacked our feet on our way over to the bridge. It was so nice to hang and talk to the kids in a different capacity. My favorite part was talking with 13 year old Jamacia. We had a indepth talk about life and what we want and where we are headed. She told me she wants to do hair or teach, and wants to marry and have kids. She wants to marry someone who is deaf too, because then he will understand her more she said. So thoughtful.
We ended the day with runnning many of zoyas errands...= waiting in a bus for over an hour and then finally we got to the sea wall. I told all the kids to make a wish and throw it into the ocean. I wish I had a camera for that shot!
Its funny how much more you learn about kids when out of school....it was a special day, with special people.
Peace Love and Tours!!
We then went to the National Park and ate lunch. We played in the puddles from all the rain and red ants attacked our feet on our way over to the bridge. It was so nice to hang and talk to the kids in a different capacity. My favorite part was talking with 13 year old Jamacia. We had a indepth talk about life and what we want and where we are headed. She told me she wants to do hair or teach, and wants to marry and have kids. She wants to marry someone who is deaf too, because then he will understand her more she said. So thoughtful.
We ended the day with runnning many of zoyas errands...= waiting in a bus for over an hour and then finally we got to the sea wall. I told all the kids to make a wish and throw it into the ocean. I wish I had a camera for that shot!
Its funny how much more you learn about kids when out of school....it was a special day, with special people.
Peace Love and Tours!!
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Who I should marry.....??!?!! Peace love and Meaningful Moments
Ten.
A counseling session with a 10 year old girl turned into a talk about boys and personal life. I love listening to my students dreams....even though it has taken a long time for them to think of what they want to do after school, or when they get bigger, just because they were never asked before. ITs always assumed they will live with their parents and possibly work if they are lucky(kids with special needs atleast) but I want my students to start thinking of their lives...not just their life in school. I asked Venus the other day what she wants to do when she grows up...she wants teach to make "enough enough" money. I say thats a good idea...now how can we get you to that? She first says she needs someone to plait her hair so she looks nice. She asks me if i know how and I say, sorry but I dont. She then asks if I have a dad that knows how, and then continues down the line to find out that not even my uncle knows how.... I tell her ill ask around, and she could do the same, maybe her friend would know how? She then says, "well do you have a daughter my age that could do it?!" and i respond with a, NOPE, no kids. (Man im getting it from a 10 year old now!) She says, Well do you have a husband? He might know someone. ANd i say i am not married either. Then she says...you know what, i think you should get married. And I say...oh yeah, to who? And she thinks real hard for a minute and then says.... To a Chinese man.....he would fight for you!
I still dont know how to respond.
A counseling session with a 10 year old girl turned into a talk about boys and personal life. I love listening to my students dreams....even though it has taken a long time for them to think of what they want to do after school, or when they get bigger, just because they were never asked before. ITs always assumed they will live with their parents and possibly work if they are lucky(kids with special needs atleast) but I want my students to start thinking of their lives...not just their life in school. I asked Venus the other day what she wants to do when she grows up...she wants teach to make "enough enough" money. I say thats a good idea...now how can we get you to that? She first says she needs someone to plait her hair so she looks nice. She asks me if i know how and I say, sorry but I dont. She then asks if I have a dad that knows how, and then continues down the line to find out that not even my uncle knows how.... I tell her ill ask around, and she could do the same, maybe her friend would know how? She then says, "well do you have a daughter my age that could do it?!" and i respond with a, NOPE, no kids. (Man im getting it from a 10 year old now!) She says, Well do you have a husband? He might know someone. ANd i say i am not married either. Then she says...you know what, i think you should get married. And I say...oh yeah, to who? And she thinks real hard for a minute and then says.... To a Chinese man.....he would fight for you!
I still dont know how to respond.
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Peace Love and Meaningful Moments
Nine.
I cried harder than I have in years watching this video. You dont realize what you miss till you really miss it...and I am so thankful I have such wonderful family to make sure I dont miss a moment...Especially a meaningful moment like this.....Darius should be a baby model!!!!! So lucky. So cutie. So Love.
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!
The ASL spelling bee practice round took place today! Traveled to Georgetown with 9 of my kiddos where we learned how the spelling bee would go down and practiced signing and spelling SLOWLY so when its televised, people will be able to learn too!! Our students were rockstars, all of them made it to the second round in just practice!!! I think one of our kids could win this thing when going up against the other schools!! SO exciting.....very happy day...kids cant stop smiling or spelling!!
Peace love and Spelling!!!
Peace love and Spelling!!!
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Peace Love and Meaningful Moments
Eight
Sunday morning, caterpillar and I are snuggling in bed while I do some work on the computer. My fan is going, people are marching away, and banging upstairs, and then I hear it. The knock gets louder and louder and more rapid. I get up, leave pillar in a blanket cocoon and unlock my door. To my surprise it is a 9 year old girl I do not know, and her smile is so big. Her Grandma has sent her to collect me for church. I am not dressed for the service that starts in ten minutes, and Kirsten also needed to come over to get her keys. I told the girl I wouldn’t be able to make it today, but tell her thanks so much for coming. She stands there smiling, and then I ask her her name. She responds with “ My name is Nicolette” She then stands there for a second longer and asks “ Please for some water” I say of course and she can come in. She looks up at the map and says to me “ I am not Guyanese, I am from Antigua.” You see that flag up to the left, that’s my countries flag. I giggle and say well do you know where Antigua is on the map, have you ever seen one of these maps? She says know, so I explain that it’s the worlds map and then point out the different continents, where I am from, where we are, and then show her exactly where she is from. Her eyes get big and and I can see her excitement. She tells me next year she is going to be baptized there, and this summer she is flying out. I tell her that’s happening fast, and she says yes. She came over here to spend time with her grandma after her grandpa passed away last year. This summer they are both flying back to Antigua. I say that’s very nice of her to come and stay with her Grandma for so long. And she said its easy, Grandma makes everything fun. Very fun. That made me smile so big, because I thought of my own Grandmother. She then asked if I had ever been to another Caribbean country and I said no I haven’t, but id love to go visit, especially Antigua. She looked at me with bright eyes and said very slowly, “ so you will come then, for a visit?” I looked at her and said id have to find out how much plane tickets cost, as well as maybe ask my own grandma to join us. Because I agree. Grandmas do make everything fun, very fun.
Sunday morning, caterpillar and I are snuggling in bed while I do some work on the computer. My fan is going, people are marching away, and banging upstairs, and then I hear it. The knock gets louder and louder and more rapid. I get up, leave pillar in a blanket cocoon and unlock my door. To my surprise it is a 9 year old girl I do not know, and her smile is so big. Her Grandma has sent her to collect me for church. I am not dressed for the service that starts in ten minutes, and Kirsten also needed to come over to get her keys. I told the girl I wouldn’t be able to make it today, but tell her thanks so much for coming. She stands there smiling, and then I ask her her name. She responds with “ My name is Nicolette” She then stands there for a second longer and asks “ Please for some water” I say of course and she can come in. She looks up at the map and says to me “ I am not Guyanese, I am from Antigua.” You see that flag up to the left, that’s my countries flag. I giggle and say well do you know where Antigua is on the map, have you ever seen one of these maps? She says know, so I explain that it’s the worlds map and then point out the different continents, where I am from, where we are, and then show her exactly where she is from. Her eyes get big and and I can see her excitement. She tells me next year she is going to be baptized there, and this summer she is flying out. I tell her that’s happening fast, and she says yes. She came over here to spend time with her grandma after her grandpa passed away last year. This summer they are both flying back to Antigua. I say that’s very nice of her to come and stay with her Grandma for so long. And she said its easy, Grandma makes everything fun. Very fun. That made me smile so big, because I thought of my own Grandmother. She then asked if I had ever been to another Caribbean country and I said no I haven’t, but id love to go visit, especially Antigua. She looked at me with bright eyes and said very slowly, “ so you will come then, for a visit?” I looked at her and said id have to find out how much plane tickets cost, as well as maybe ask my own grandma to join us. Because I agree. Grandmas do make everything fun, very fun.
Flush it down the toilet
I am overwhelmed. I guess that’s nothing new…although it felt like it this week. So many things to be grateful for: Inclusion teacher training workshops were awesome, started cooking classes with the older students at my school and teachers mentioned they would be interested in having a cooking class too! , had a successful PTA meeting and parents are finally interested in having the support group !!!YAY! it will start in two weeks, led the first People with Disabilities Support group, my program manager came and was very encouraging, I got through with a proposal to teach an ASL course this summer, I got to spend time with kids that I love, I am finally getting things accomplished at my school…I got letters from my momma and dad! Jenny is coming in less than a month, Caterpillar is getting stronger, there were only 2 black outs..haha oh life, its just passing so fast, and really the only thing that is overwhelming me is my living situation.
This week I had someone over and I think they flushed something they shouldn’t have, so my toilet stopped working. Every time you went to flush it, it would fill all the way to the top and take hours to go back down. I had to bucket poop water for about 2 hours one day, just so it didn’t flood my house. After that I told my landlady, she said it was too late in the evening to get anyone, but she would ask a guy for a plunger the next day. The next day came (Wednesday) and I didn’t get home till 6 because of work and therapy. I asked her for the plunger and again she told me the same thing. On Thursday I got home from my workshop up the Corentyne and it still wasn’t working…I asked my landlady for the 3rd time and this time she told me that she wasn’t going to pay or help me or call a plumber, I needed to, then she walked away.
This was day 3 of pooping in plastic bags and peeing in my shower, and I just couldn’t believe how rude and unkind people could be, all because of money. I never really felt like such a burden to someone, and ive never really had someone be so bluntly mean to me.
I know its just a toilet, and its silly to even stress over something like that, especially after having to hear stories of struggles from so many people this week….i just don’t know…I guess I am tired of unkind people….and shitty situations(literally in my case)
Anywho I am lucky. I had one of my favorite teachers husband come over Friday morning and he fixed it in 2 hours( kinda) but then on Saturday it stopped working again, and so I had to go and talk with my landlady one more time. I brought one of my Guyanese friends with me this time, Terrianna. Its funny how here tone in voice automatically changed when she realized someone else was there and told me she could get someone to come, but it wouldn’t be until Thursday. I asker her what I was supposed to do and she just shrugged and started to ramble on and on about how she was just a woman and things cant change instantly..yada yada yada.. She also said that when a man was staying here he would fix his own toilet because she gave it to him in working condition and he should make sure it stays that way…and she wouldn’t ever have to deal with it. ...and that I should be lucky that I have someone who helps and aims to please me all the time and I wouldn’t get it so good in other places. I then said thank you, but I also needed to tell her that I felt like I am a burden to her and so I said that and if she wants me to move out I will gladly start looking for a different place. ( which would be silly because I pay her more than double any local would) She then started raising her voice, telling me she is vexed at me that I would even say that, telling me that she doesn’t like that on and on and on…so she basically was saying she is mad at me for feeling hurt in this situation. Oh man. I just don’t know what to do in this situation anymore. It’s not the end of the world, and I know that I am very lucky to have what I do have. I just hope it doesn’t take more weeks and more of my money that I don’t even make to fix this.
Peace Love and finding good in every situation because there is some.
This week I had someone over and I think they flushed something they shouldn’t have, so my toilet stopped working. Every time you went to flush it, it would fill all the way to the top and take hours to go back down. I had to bucket poop water for about 2 hours one day, just so it didn’t flood my house. After that I told my landlady, she said it was too late in the evening to get anyone, but she would ask a guy for a plunger the next day. The next day came (Wednesday) and I didn’t get home till 6 because of work and therapy. I asked her for the plunger and again she told me the same thing. On Thursday I got home from my workshop up the Corentyne and it still wasn’t working…I asked my landlady for the 3rd time and this time she told me that she wasn’t going to pay or help me or call a plumber, I needed to, then she walked away.
This was day 3 of pooping in plastic bags and peeing in my shower, and I just couldn’t believe how rude and unkind people could be, all because of money. I never really felt like such a burden to someone, and ive never really had someone be so bluntly mean to me.
I know its just a toilet, and its silly to even stress over something like that, especially after having to hear stories of struggles from so many people this week….i just don’t know…I guess I am tired of unkind people….and shitty situations(literally in my case)
Anywho I am lucky. I had one of my favorite teachers husband come over Friday morning and he fixed it in 2 hours( kinda) but then on Saturday it stopped working again, and so I had to go and talk with my landlady one more time. I brought one of my Guyanese friends with me this time, Terrianna. Its funny how here tone in voice automatically changed when she realized someone else was there and told me she could get someone to come, but it wouldn’t be until Thursday. I asker her what I was supposed to do and she just shrugged and started to ramble on and on about how she was just a woman and things cant change instantly..yada yada yada.. She also said that when a man was staying here he would fix his own toilet because she gave it to him in working condition and he should make sure it stays that way…and she wouldn’t ever have to deal with it. ...and that I should be lucky that I have someone who helps and aims to please me all the time and I wouldn’t get it so good in other places. I then said thank you, but I also needed to tell her that I felt like I am a burden to her and so I said that and if she wants me to move out I will gladly start looking for a different place. ( which would be silly because I pay her more than double any local would) She then started raising her voice, telling me she is vexed at me that I would even say that, telling me that she doesn’t like that on and on and on…so she basically was saying she is mad at me for feeling hurt in this situation. Oh man. I just don’t know what to do in this situation anymore. It’s not the end of the world, and I know that I am very lucky to have what I do have. I just hope it doesn’t take more weeks and more of my money that I don’t even make to fix this.
Peace Love and finding good in every situation because there is some.
Monday, May 9, 2011
Peace Love and Meaningful Moments
Five.
Carlon is 8 today. He is running around with his brother Linroy, and his friend Jaheim. He lives approximately 8 houses away from me and I see him atleast once a day. He is thoughtful, quiet, kind, and just like any other 8 year old, he likes to play. He easily plays the big brother roll, always sharing his sandwich, his banana, his coloring page, his pencil. If he has it, and you even hint at the fact that you’d like some or want to use it, he willingly gives it up, never asking for anything in return. Can you believe that? An 8 year old so selfless….i’ve never met a kid like him and with all our moments together I have become so grateful for this child. Today was his birthday. I didn’t know this until 4:30 p.m. He is running outside with a net fishing in the trench with his buddies. I yell happy birthday after his sister marvela told me. He said “thank you”. It was a simple exchange, yet a heartfelt smile went into it in both ends. I asked him what he got for his birthday. He said 500 Guyanese Dollars($2.50 US). I then asked if he spent it all already, and he said yes…I went and bought a drink for my family. This 8 year old child took his birthday present and decided to share it. If only every person viewed the world and celebrations like this, the world would be a much happier place. Happy Birthday Carl.
Six.
Sunday morning, Mothers day. The plan was to wake up at 4:30 am to start the nurses health walk at 5:00am. Well, I wake up, get ready…but there is a different plan in mind. We meet Mr. Hazel, the guy who told us about the walk in the first place. He is on the side of the road and waves for us to come over. He says that the walk isn’t organized enough….there isn’t water, so we are going to do some aerobics instead. Oh boy I thought. He has us running in a 15 foot space, back and forth, back and forth. I am getting dizzy around the 18th lap, and then he adds a new twist…have to bend down and touch our toes. We do this for literally 20 mins. This is located right off the main road, it’s a 50 year old man, and 3 white girls, maybe an 11 year old(his son) and his nephew who is 3. I don’t really understand what is going on, but we continue…and then after we are “warmed up” we jog on over to his place. He breaks out some music, and then the jumping, and punching and kicking and standing up crunches begin. He tells us he wants us to have a nice time….his 11 year old son is also video recording us for some weird reason. It wasn’t creepy..well maybe a little. But his wife came out and was doing it with us, so it didn’t feel as awkward. Here we are 3 Americans, at the bottom of this mans house at 5 am, dancing and laughing and in disbelief that this is really happening. It was one of my favorite moments here, a moment where you really just have to look around and say to yourself…yes, this is my life. I guess I know whats goin on at 5 in the morning when I hear the music play.
Seven
I was on my way to the grocery when I saw it. The smallest kitten, with the fiercest Meow. Maybe 2-3 weeks old, she was left on the side of the street without any of her sisters or brothers, and her mom wasn’t in sight. She was crawling on the ground…barely strong enough to move herself. I fell in love with her right there….right as I bent down and noticed she looked exactly like a caterpillar, only bigger. Pillar her name is. I am feeding her with a syringe. If she survives, I will call her butterfly. I hope I can nurture her in my cocoon.
Carlon is 8 today. He is running around with his brother Linroy, and his friend Jaheim. He lives approximately 8 houses away from me and I see him atleast once a day. He is thoughtful, quiet, kind, and just like any other 8 year old, he likes to play. He easily plays the big brother roll, always sharing his sandwich, his banana, his coloring page, his pencil. If he has it, and you even hint at the fact that you’d like some or want to use it, he willingly gives it up, never asking for anything in return. Can you believe that? An 8 year old so selfless….i’ve never met a kid like him and with all our moments together I have become so grateful for this child. Today was his birthday. I didn’t know this until 4:30 p.m. He is running outside with a net fishing in the trench with his buddies. I yell happy birthday after his sister marvela told me. He said “thank you”. It was a simple exchange, yet a heartfelt smile went into it in both ends. I asked him what he got for his birthday. He said 500 Guyanese Dollars($2.50 US). I then asked if he spent it all already, and he said yes…I went and bought a drink for my family. This 8 year old child took his birthday present and decided to share it. If only every person viewed the world and celebrations like this, the world would be a much happier place. Happy Birthday Carl.
Six.
Sunday morning, Mothers day. The plan was to wake up at 4:30 am to start the nurses health walk at 5:00am. Well, I wake up, get ready…but there is a different plan in mind. We meet Mr. Hazel, the guy who told us about the walk in the first place. He is on the side of the road and waves for us to come over. He says that the walk isn’t organized enough….there isn’t water, so we are going to do some aerobics instead. Oh boy I thought. He has us running in a 15 foot space, back and forth, back and forth. I am getting dizzy around the 18th lap, and then he adds a new twist…have to bend down and touch our toes. We do this for literally 20 mins. This is located right off the main road, it’s a 50 year old man, and 3 white girls, maybe an 11 year old(his son) and his nephew who is 3. I don’t really understand what is going on, but we continue…and then after we are “warmed up” we jog on over to his place. He breaks out some music, and then the jumping, and punching and kicking and standing up crunches begin. He tells us he wants us to have a nice time….his 11 year old son is also video recording us for some weird reason. It wasn’t creepy..well maybe a little. But his wife came out and was doing it with us, so it didn’t feel as awkward. Here we are 3 Americans, at the bottom of this mans house at 5 am, dancing and laughing and in disbelief that this is really happening. It was one of my favorite moments here, a moment where you really just have to look around and say to yourself…yes, this is my life. I guess I know whats goin on at 5 in the morning when I hear the music play.
Seven
I was on my way to the grocery when I saw it. The smallest kitten, with the fiercest Meow. Maybe 2-3 weeks old, she was left on the side of the street without any of her sisters or brothers, and her mom wasn’t in sight. She was crawling on the ground…barely strong enough to move herself. I fell in love with her right there….right as I bent down and noticed she looked exactly like a caterpillar, only bigger. Pillar her name is. I am feeding her with a syringe. If she survives, I will call her butterfly. I hope I can nurture her in my cocoon.
Peace Love and Meaningful Moments
Four.
The night was stealing sleep from my body, as I woke up in a bed, In one piece, in good health, with my friends and family in my thoughts and prayers. The air was warm, the breeze was light. There was no sound in the air except for animals, and a rooster that was crowing at 4:30 a.m.(roosters in Guyana have to be the dumbest animals ever) anywho. I was awake, it was early morning and I wanted to see the morning sunrise. I got out of bed, brushed my teeth, and put my hair up in a nubkin pony tail because I only have 5 pieces and headed out the door in flip flops and pjs. I get to my gate and unlock it and step outside. To my surprise I look over to my right and meet the gaze of 3 men, my neighbors. They are sitting outside, in silence. I approach them with a bit of a hesitant goodmorning. They respond with smiles and morning as well, and asked me what I was doing out so early. I responded with I wanted to see the sunrise and then asked them the same. They told me that they get up every morning at 3:3o or so and come out there and sit with eachother. Sometimes they talk, sometimes they are silent, but mostly they are there to enjoy eachothers company and bring in the new day with eachother. What a brilliant idea I thought. Its hard enough for me to get out of bed at 6, but they find it easy, because they enjoy those moments when they first get up and know exactly who they are going to start the day with and when. I love that idea, and believe each of us should have moments that start are day on the right foot. Just maybe not at 3:30 a.m.
The night was stealing sleep from my body, as I woke up in a bed, In one piece, in good health, with my friends and family in my thoughts and prayers. The air was warm, the breeze was light. There was no sound in the air except for animals, and a rooster that was crowing at 4:30 a.m.(roosters in Guyana have to be the dumbest animals ever) anywho. I was awake, it was early morning and I wanted to see the morning sunrise. I got out of bed, brushed my teeth, and put my hair up in a nubkin pony tail because I only have 5 pieces and headed out the door in flip flops and pjs. I get to my gate and unlock it and step outside. To my surprise I look over to my right and meet the gaze of 3 men, my neighbors. They are sitting outside, in silence. I approach them with a bit of a hesitant goodmorning. They respond with smiles and morning as well, and asked me what I was doing out so early. I responded with I wanted to see the sunrise and then asked them the same. They told me that they get up every morning at 3:3o or so and come out there and sit with eachother. Sometimes they talk, sometimes they are silent, but mostly they are there to enjoy eachothers company and bring in the new day with eachother. What a brilliant idea I thought. Its hard enough for me to get out of bed at 6, but they find it easy, because they enjoy those moments when they first get up and know exactly who they are going to start the day with and when. I love that idea, and believe each of us should have moments that start are day on the right foot. Just maybe not at 3:30 a.m.
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
My First Published Article!!
http://www.stabroeknews.com/2011/features/05/03/nurturing-your-children%E2%80%99s-learning/
Peace Love and Meaningful Moments
Three
Its Easter Sunday. The sun is shining bright, the clouds are shaped into circuses of animals and things, and kites are filling up the sky like a the God just shook the world like a snow globe and filling it with colors. After 16 hourse of driving I look up to see these kites…and there he is. A stranger, a child I have never met, standing on top of 20 foot pile of sand. His eyes are laughing like my grandpas used to. He is a warrior of kite flyers with his flying high and breezing well. It is blue and wooden; hand made. I bet he made it himself. I didn’t have time to ask, but with his smile bright I couldnt help but stare. He looked down from his high pile and saw me in the bus…with a group of tired adults. He locked eyes with me for a long moment and in that moment I felt as if I were ten again too. With that look he told me to stay young at heart. To not forget the feeling of being young and enjoying the moment. I have to say…I enjoyed this one very much. After a long journey, a childs gaze filling my heart with passion for life and fun, was exactly what I needed. Exactly what should never be forgotten.
Its Easter Sunday. The sun is shining bright, the clouds are shaped into circuses of animals and things, and kites are filling up the sky like a the God just shook the world like a snow globe and filling it with colors. After 16 hourse of driving I look up to see these kites…and there he is. A stranger, a child I have never met, standing on top of 20 foot pile of sand. His eyes are laughing like my grandpas used to. He is a warrior of kite flyers with his flying high and breezing well. It is blue and wooden; hand made. I bet he made it himself. I didn’t have time to ask, but with his smile bright I couldnt help but stare. He looked down from his high pile and saw me in the bus…with a group of tired adults. He locked eyes with me for a long moment and in that moment I felt as if I were ten again too. With that look he told me to stay young at heart. To not forget the feeling of being young and enjoying the moment. I have to say…I enjoyed this one very much. After a long journey, a childs gaze filling my heart with passion for life and fun, was exactly what I needed. Exactly what should never be forgotten.
RockyRoad, and not like the icecream
It all started with a Nuggle.
This nuggle is a little peanut caramel chocolate delight and also my new favorite word. . I bought one at the gas station in Georgetown that we were meeting the bus at. The gas station that sells magazines, oil of olay soap and diet pepsi….where am I, I thought?!
I was overwhelmed by the choices of candy and food that I settled on something I’ve never had, and lets just say I don’t regret my decision. Nuggle.
Meeting at 8:30 turned into leaving at 11:30…because..well..just because it is Guyana.
I met the conductor Gary, and our driver Don and a whole crew of 30 others that were ready for the journey down to Lethem as well. (other Peace Corps Volunteers, some VSO a forestry guy, world teach, Guyanese etc) The prediction was a 15-20 hour drive, reasonably 500 km away on unpaved roads will do this to you…
We packed in, 4 to a row. I sat behind the conductor because I told him I wanted to practice being one too. The bus was so packed he actually had to sit on a bucket……
boooom we were offfffffff
So it started with a smooth 1.5 hours , then a 20 minute wait at a random house where Kirsten and I peed between two semi’s that had a bear head concrete statue thingy between. I pretended he was my protector cuz it was dark…but that didn’t protect me from Kirstens stream!! Ahhh I thought..but then I realized im gonna be on a bus for awhile anywho…nothing to get grossed out by Get back on the ride and
Then the bumps began…30 packed into this vehicle and me next to a window= a constant window bump to the side of my head… luggage on our lap because there is no compartments..and music has stopped because of the road…The only noise to hear was the shifting of gears, and the rattling of the entire bus. It kinda reminded me of our family road trips to Florida…where my siblings told me to hold the van door because the rattling was annoying so I had to keep my foot on it the entire time….only this time, the rattling was everywhere…and my foot against the door didn’t help!!
I closed my eyes because it was 2 a.m. but sleep never visited me that night…although I pretended to a lot….2 stops 2 pees later, I decided to stop drinking water, when I scraped my legs on bush twigs…as well as noticed that we were in the middle of nowhere.. Looking around there was one dirt road…nothing to the sides for miles and miles except jungle. I got dizzy watching the trees pass by…couldn’t even see over the tops of them as the sun rose.
There was a point in the first 12 hours when we met a hill too large and started up it…the bus couldn’t handle it, although the conductor told me it was only because I was on it we were not getting up that hill driving. So we get out and walk. Walk on a red dirt road that has ridges from rain and wind….like a wash board.
. We make it up…and then 2 hours later we make it half way and we are in Irokrama. If you ever closed your eyes and pictured peacefulness, this was it with trees and rivers so beautiful its as if they were cut outs from a snowglobe of landscape…without snow…so simple. So evident of the fact that it was untouched by outside forces.
We get out of the vehicle and cross the river on a fairy. Classy jillian fell and broke her flip flop in the water..…14 hours later…
We are on the dusty trail for 2 more hours….its 4 p.m. and sun is starting to shine not as heavy. With the 30 seats next to me, we meet a line of vehicles. A line of vehicles from a fairy that passed before us an hour ago..as well as vehicles that were 2, 3 and 4 hours ahead of us….hmmmmmmmmm whats going on?! We got out and started walking in the heavy rained on mud. Oh did I mention it was down pouring before we crossed the river? Im soaked, muddy and sliding through the mud to get to the bridge. The wooden bridge that is the cause of the hold up. And there it is. A military like vehicle…with a tarp over its back has glided off the bridge and has broken a chunk of the bridge as well as is stuck in a way that nothing larger than a van can pass. Apparently it has been here in the middle of nowhere for 4 hours….where’s Triple A, I think to myself.
Vehicles are switching tires to get them small enough to sneak past, but now a vehicle is stuck with it….how are we going to get it out without the military vehicle falling over to the creek and snapping the bridges stand?????
An hour more and the vehicle that was stuck between wiggled through…and is off to Lethem as quick as he got through. We are left behind with a stuck truck..and no equipment to move it…..except when a vehicle shows up around 6:15. The sun is starting to set as they are removing all that is in the back of the stuck truck…..soda, onions, potatoes, bicycles, beams, mattresses, bags of rice, beer. I’m tempted to jump on little orange bike with my bag and start riding the next 10 hour ride, however someone handed me a beer..so I thought to myself…well atleast I am not going to die.
Another hour passes. I get stuck in the mud. The vehicle however amazingly gets unstuck..without falling sideways!!
YAY WE ARE FREEE!!!!
We pile back in the bus…smiles on our faces!! We are not stuck!! OWOWO but then there is a little muster from the engine…oh NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We get out to push and as the driver puts it in reverse it is revved up enough to start…we take offffffffffff!!!
We drive 4 more hours till we get to food and water. I stuff my face with a butter flap pastry, that is really just pastry and get two waters. Everyone stops and eats for about 30 mins..then back onto the bus because we are told its just 2 more hours….
The 2 hour mark passes and I am ready to sleep…but stay up just to see us reach. Then the 3 hour mark passes and I am so over anxious I am laughing outloud and inside breaking bit by bit. Then the 4 hour mark comes and the driver is tired so he pulls over to take a 30 min nap. We stand outside…look at the full moon and the mountains in the distance. Im so giddy I decide to take off my panties….mainly because they are still wet from the downpour before and its not my favorite feeling.
We pile back in. The 4.5 hour mark is approaching and I see a light finally!! The light comes…and then goes…..and another hour later I realize that light is just a distance dot. 6 hours into …after crossing over countless almost broken bridges I see it. A red shinning light…and that my friends I was told was LETHEM!
AHHH my heart is screaming with excitement…we made it we made it!! I want to yell but only look around me to see disappointed stares or sleeping with their mouth open faces. 20 mins later we enter. A town that looks nothing like the Guyana I know or am sharing my life with. A Guyana that is savannahs and quiet. A Guyana that meets me with a peaceful calm.
Here was some Highlights of the next 1. 5 days when we were not on the bus:
1. Stayed at Auntie Foo’s….a kind woman who woke up and made us all breakfast. Porridge, hotdogs and eggs…and bread that actually tasted like grandmas…something that I didn’t believe was possible…but Grandma, she’s got your recipe!!
2. Rodeo!!! Whats more to say about listening to country and watching men buck on bulls and horses. They actually had so many cowboys they had to reuse the horses…they were so tired at some points that they bucked for a second then rested…bucked again….very anticlimactic…buttttttttttttt my favorite one was when they opened the gate after sattling a man up..and the bull just layed down.
3. Ferris wheel….3 bumper cars..one named bob espongi and meat on a stick
4. A jewelry man Lawrence
5. a gambling table game called chic chic
6. beautiful sunset
7. even more beautiful waterfall(Kumu Falls)
8. monkeys, birds and nature
9. Kite flying…millions of kites…it’s a tradition here to fly them on Easter Sunday and Monday….its one of the most freeing sights….definetly a tradition id like to keep with my own family someday
So many things to challenge you..so many things to fall in love with. Like everyday life, only in a journey do you realize the good will always out weigh the challenge…and the next day will come to show you the luckiness you truly have.
Peace Love and an unforgettable Journey
This nuggle is a little peanut caramel chocolate delight and also my new favorite word. . I bought one at the gas station in Georgetown that we were meeting the bus at. The gas station that sells magazines, oil of olay soap and diet pepsi….where am I, I thought?!
I was overwhelmed by the choices of candy and food that I settled on something I’ve never had, and lets just say I don’t regret my decision. Nuggle.
Meeting at 8:30 turned into leaving at 11:30…because..well..just because it is Guyana.
I met the conductor Gary, and our driver Don and a whole crew of 30 others that were ready for the journey down to Lethem as well. (other Peace Corps Volunteers, some VSO a forestry guy, world teach, Guyanese etc) The prediction was a 15-20 hour drive, reasonably 500 km away on unpaved roads will do this to you…
We packed in, 4 to a row. I sat behind the conductor because I told him I wanted to practice being one too. The bus was so packed he actually had to sit on a bucket……
boooom we were offfffffff
So it started with a smooth 1.5 hours , then a 20 minute wait at a random house where Kirsten and I peed between two semi’s that had a bear head concrete statue thingy between. I pretended he was my protector cuz it was dark…but that didn’t protect me from Kirstens stream!! Ahhh I thought..but then I realized im gonna be on a bus for awhile anywho…nothing to get grossed out by Get back on the ride and
Then the bumps began…30 packed into this vehicle and me next to a window= a constant window bump to the side of my head… luggage on our lap because there is no compartments..and music has stopped because of the road…The only noise to hear was the shifting of gears, and the rattling of the entire bus. It kinda reminded me of our family road trips to Florida…where my siblings told me to hold the van door because the rattling was annoying so I had to keep my foot on it the entire time….only this time, the rattling was everywhere…and my foot against the door didn’t help!!
I closed my eyes because it was 2 a.m. but sleep never visited me that night…although I pretended to a lot….2 stops 2 pees later, I decided to stop drinking water, when I scraped my legs on bush twigs…as well as noticed that we were in the middle of nowhere.. Looking around there was one dirt road…nothing to the sides for miles and miles except jungle. I got dizzy watching the trees pass by…couldn’t even see over the tops of them as the sun rose.
There was a point in the first 12 hours when we met a hill too large and started up it…the bus couldn’t handle it, although the conductor told me it was only because I was on it we were not getting up that hill driving. So we get out and walk. Walk on a red dirt road that has ridges from rain and wind….like a wash board.
. We make it up…and then 2 hours later we make it half way and we are in Irokrama. If you ever closed your eyes and pictured peacefulness, this was it with trees and rivers so beautiful its as if they were cut outs from a snowglobe of landscape…without snow…so simple. So evident of the fact that it was untouched by outside forces.
We get out of the vehicle and cross the river on a fairy. Classy jillian fell and broke her flip flop in the water..…14 hours later…
We are on the dusty trail for 2 more hours….its 4 p.m. and sun is starting to shine not as heavy. With the 30 seats next to me, we meet a line of vehicles. A line of vehicles from a fairy that passed before us an hour ago..as well as vehicles that were 2, 3 and 4 hours ahead of us….hmmmmmmmmm whats going on?! We got out and started walking in the heavy rained on mud. Oh did I mention it was down pouring before we crossed the river? Im soaked, muddy and sliding through the mud to get to the bridge. The wooden bridge that is the cause of the hold up. And there it is. A military like vehicle…with a tarp over its back has glided off the bridge and has broken a chunk of the bridge as well as is stuck in a way that nothing larger than a van can pass. Apparently it has been here in the middle of nowhere for 4 hours….where’s Triple A, I think to myself.
Vehicles are switching tires to get them small enough to sneak past, but now a vehicle is stuck with it….how are we going to get it out without the military vehicle falling over to the creek and snapping the bridges stand?????
An hour more and the vehicle that was stuck between wiggled through…and is off to Lethem as quick as he got through. We are left behind with a stuck truck..and no equipment to move it…..except when a vehicle shows up around 6:15. The sun is starting to set as they are removing all that is in the back of the stuck truck…..soda, onions, potatoes, bicycles, beams, mattresses, bags of rice, beer. I’m tempted to jump on little orange bike with my bag and start riding the next 10 hour ride, however someone handed me a beer..so I thought to myself…well atleast I am not going to die.
Another hour passes. I get stuck in the mud. The vehicle however amazingly gets unstuck..without falling sideways!!
YAY WE ARE FREEE!!!!
We pile back in the bus…smiles on our faces!! We are not stuck!! OWOWO but then there is a little muster from the engine…oh NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We get out to push and as the driver puts it in reverse it is revved up enough to start…we take offffffffffff!!!
We drive 4 more hours till we get to food and water. I stuff my face with a butter flap pastry, that is really just pastry and get two waters. Everyone stops and eats for about 30 mins..then back onto the bus because we are told its just 2 more hours….
The 2 hour mark passes and I am ready to sleep…but stay up just to see us reach. Then the 3 hour mark passes and I am so over anxious I am laughing outloud and inside breaking bit by bit. Then the 4 hour mark comes and the driver is tired so he pulls over to take a 30 min nap. We stand outside…look at the full moon and the mountains in the distance. Im so giddy I decide to take off my panties….mainly because they are still wet from the downpour before and its not my favorite feeling.
We pile back in. The 4.5 hour mark is approaching and I see a light finally!! The light comes…and then goes…..and another hour later I realize that light is just a distance dot. 6 hours into …after crossing over countless almost broken bridges I see it. A red shinning light…and that my friends I was told was LETHEM!
AHHH my heart is screaming with excitement…we made it we made it!! I want to yell but only look around me to see disappointed stares or sleeping with their mouth open faces. 20 mins later we enter. A town that looks nothing like the Guyana I know or am sharing my life with. A Guyana that is savannahs and quiet. A Guyana that meets me with a peaceful calm.
Here was some Highlights of the next 1. 5 days when we were not on the bus:
1. Stayed at Auntie Foo’s….a kind woman who woke up and made us all breakfast. Porridge, hotdogs and eggs…and bread that actually tasted like grandmas…something that I didn’t believe was possible…but Grandma, she’s got your recipe!!
2. Rodeo!!! Whats more to say about listening to country and watching men buck on bulls and horses. They actually had so many cowboys they had to reuse the horses…they were so tired at some points that they bucked for a second then rested…bucked again….very anticlimactic…buttttttttttttt my favorite one was when they opened the gate after sattling a man up..and the bull just layed down.
3. Ferris wheel….3 bumper cars..one named bob espongi and meat on a stick
4. A jewelry man Lawrence
5. a gambling table game called chic chic
6. beautiful sunset
7. even more beautiful waterfall(Kumu Falls)
8. monkeys, birds and nature
9. Kite flying…millions of kites…it’s a tradition here to fly them on Easter Sunday and Monday….its one of the most freeing sights….definetly a tradition id like to keep with my own family someday
So many things to challenge you..so many things to fall in love with. Like everyday life, only in a journey do you realize the good will always out weigh the challenge…and the next day will come to show you the luckiness you truly have.
Peace Love and an unforgettable Journey
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